Higgins: How fiendishly deceptive of you, Magnum. I could have sworn I was hearing the emasculation of a large rodent. To my great surprise, I see the sounds are emanating from what I thought was a harmless musical instrument.
Magnum: Cute Higgins, real cute.
Higgins: Why Magnum? Why do this terrible thing?
Magnum: Higgins, I'll have you know I used to be very good. I was the second best sax player in my High School band!
Higgins: Well, how many sax players were there?!
Magnum: ...Anyway. I just saw this in a pawn shop window and thought I'd like to try and get my chops back.
Higgins: May I suggest that your "chops" are irretrievable.
Magnum: Higgins, did you come here just to abuse me!? (00:05:25)
Quotes from John Hillerman movies and TV shows
Higgins: Magnum, l must say, l'm impressed.
Magnum: With my dictionary?
Higgins: No, with your living quarters. They're actually tidy.
Magnum: Don't act so surprised!
Higgins: Where is all the...usual unpleasantness, the abandoned bits of food and drink, the soiled garments, the sundry unidentifiable artifacts l expect to find when l walk in?
Magnum: A-HA! That is precisely my point. You *expect* to walk in. Higgins...l don't walk in on you, do l?
Higgins: Of course you do. All the time, as a matter of fact. But I look upon it as one of life's little unpleasantries, like a minor rash or an ingrown toenail. (00:04:25)
Higgins: I did it because you have more dumb luck than anyone I know.
Higgins: The Kikuyu could be a savage people. But then, so could we. Take away our bowlers and school ties, remove us from our cities where others kill our meat, from our books and films, where we vicariously live out our baser emotions, set us down in the African bush where every living thing is killing or being killed, and we can be as savage as any tribe on the face of the Earth. (00:30:10)
The Arrow That Is Not Aimed - S3-E13
Magnum: A - ha! You violated my privacy!
Higgins: Nonsense. I was retrieving Mr. Masters' wide-angle lens which you borrowed three weeks ago and typically neglected to return.
Magnum: That doesn't give you the right to remove my possessions!
Higgins: I consider this contraband and therefore subject to confiscation.
Magnum: As long as there are dogs threatening my life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, I will...No, I must, I MUST protect myself! It is my constitutional right!
Higgins: Very well. I will inform Mr. Masters that you feel within your constitutional rights to use dog repellent on the lads.
Magnum: Hey, hey, hey, Higgins! No sense bothering Robin with a little household problem. (00:04:40)
Higgins: Certain past indiscretions...Various incriminating lapses noted in my log...
Magnum: Higgins. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can tell Robin that he doesn't already know. That we haven't laughed about together.
Higgins: The potato chip heiress from Buffalo who filled the tidal pool with...
Magnum: A little misunderstanding, Higgins, after it was drained.
Higgins: And then there is the Romanian mime troop who...
Magnum: Y-...you're not going to bring that up, I mean, Higgins, you were there when the paramedics arrived! You know!
Higgins: I will take note of the panic in your voice and those guilt-crazed eyes as a scent to my favor, albeit with the slightest reluctance.
Magnum: Wait a minute! This isn't a favor, this is extortion! And blackmail!
Higgins: I prefer to consider it a gentlemen's agreement, though under the circumstances the term is misused. (00:13:30)
Higgins: One moment, Magnum. I'm going to need you for the party.
Magnum: You're not going through with this?
Higgins: Magnum, Mr. Masters' Spring Equinox Weekend Party is one of the premier social events of the season. To miss it would be unthinkable.
Magnum: This hurricane that's brewing is also one of the premier events of the season. To miss it would be impossible! (00:04:00)
More Magnum, P.I. quotes
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