Quotes from John C. McGinley movies and TV shows

Nick Persons: You're the local real estate guy.
Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: I'm also the local contractor.

Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: It's really an amazing place to raise a family.

Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: The place was built in 1889.

Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: It certainly is a fixer upper.

Chuck Mitchell, Jr.: You've got dry rot.
Nick Persons: Dry what?

Elliot: Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?
Dr. Cox: No, Barbie... It makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively TO clowns.

Carla: You can deny you like her all you want. But, I know for a fact, that every time you guys are done "playing racquetball" or "having a conversation" or whatever it is you crazy kids are calling it, you like nothing more than to just lie next to Jordan and watch her sleep.
Dr. Cox: It would be impossible for me to lie next to Jordan, she sleeps hanging from a ramp in the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.

My Unicorn - S4-E11

Dr. Cox: I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it.

Dr. Cox: People are bastard covered bastards with bastard filling.

My Unicorn - S4-E11

Dr. Cox: This moment is so great I'd cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one and raise a family of little moments!

Dr. Cox: Let me ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?

Dr. Cox: Hey, Betty. Hey, Wilma. Oh, what the hell, you're only forty minutes late. Do I... Do I smell beer?
JD: Uh, we... Uh, we had a few.
Dr. Cox: Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots.

Dr. Cox: You want some advice? No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: Now what's that supposed to mean?
[A patient flies in from offscreen, dragging JD through a door.]
Johnny: Who am I!?

My Office - S4-E2

[Looking at X-ray revealing a lightbulb in the patient.]
Dr. Cox: Well, I'll tell you there Bobbo, either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea.

Stu: Barry and I worked together for over seven years and whenever you threatened him over the air, man he would stick it right back in your face. It was like his dick was flapping in the wind and he'd like to see if he could get an erection. The guy had a little dick but he liked to flap it out there. Then they cut it off, so now he's dead. I don't know if you understand my analogy but it's the clearest one I can make.