Barry: Tell me something I-I'm curious. How do you dial a phone with a straitjacket on?
Ellen: What do want me to do, Barry? You want me to fall in love with you again?
Kent: You don't GET IT, wimp? HERE'S what you GET! you GET $1.59 and you GO down to THE drug store! BUY yourself A pack of razor blades and slash your fucking wrists, pinhead.
Dan: Barry you should ask me before you put another guest on the show.
Barry: Why?
Dan: Because I'm your boss, that's why.
Barry: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor. HOOOO-WEEE! Jericho's Pizza, off Route 1-11 at the Jericho Turnpike, they got that pizza you'll never forget, one bite and you don't have to eat for a week. I saw a guy in there the other day combing his hair with the stuff off the plate. Jericho's Pizza.
Stu: Barry and I worked together for over seven years and whenever you threatened him over the air, man he would stick it right back in your face. It was like his dick was flapping in the wind and he'd like to see if he could get an erection. The guy had a little dick but he liked to flap it out there. Then they cut it off, so now he's dead. I don't know if you understand my analogy but it's the clearest one I can make.
Barry: I don't care what you think! No one does.
Barry: There's nothing more boring than people who love you.
Barry: Talk Radio! It's the last neighborhood in town, people just don't talk to each other anymore.
Dan: What you are, Barry, is a fuckin' suit salesman with a big mouth. Let's call a spade a spade.
Barry: This country is in deep trouble people! This country is rotten to the core and somebody better do something about it! Now I want you to take your hand out of that bowl of Fritos, throw away your National Enquirer, and pick up the phone.
