Quotes from Joaquin Phoenix movies and TV shows

Max California: Can I interest you in a battery-operated vagina?
Tom Welles: No thank you.
Max California: Are you sure? I'd hate for you to be in one of those everyday situations that calls for a battery-operated vagina and not have one.

Max California: So you got a wife and a daughter and a nice little yellow house and a dog named 'Shep'. What the hell are you doing here?

Max California: Hey! It's like a gas station! You pay before you pump.

Max California: Do you get turned on at places like tonight?
Tom Welles: No, I do not.
Max California: But you don't exactly get turned off either, do ya?
Max California: Devil's changing you already.

Max California: I can hook you up, though. You name the vice I name the price.

Larry: Are you a police officer or in any way affiliated with law enforcement?
Max California: Fuck you Larry.
Larry: Are you a police officer or in any way affiliated with law enforcement?
Tom Welles: Fuck you Larry.
Max California: Mmm, you're getting the moves.

Max California: There are some things that you see, and you can't unsee them. Know what I mean?

Kenai: Hey, I've got a mountain to get to. Come on, kid.
Koda: I told you before. My name's Koda. Say it with me... Ko-da.
Kenai: Are you sure your mom didn't ditch you, Ko-da?

Kenai: Okay, okay, Heh... Koda... I, uh... I... I gotta get goin'.
Koda: Well, when you come back, we can go.
Kenai: I... I won't be coming back.
Koda: What? Why not?
Kenai: Because... well... it's hard to explai.
Tug: You're leaving?
Kenai: GAH! UH, no! Well I, uh... I mean yes. Uh... well it's just that I... I don't... I don't belong here.
Tug: "Don't belong"? every bear belongs here.

Tuke: How's it going, bear?
Kenai: Don't call me that.
Tuke: Sorry, um... Mister Bear?

Kenai: Koda... your mother's not coming back.

Denahi: Killing that bear won't make you a man.
Kenai: Oh, NOW you're trying to be wise?
Denahi: I'm trying to follow my totem. Why can't you do the same?
Kenai: You really think love has anything to do with being a man? A MAN wouldn't just sit here and do nothing.

Kenai: Keep all that cuddly bear stuff to a minimum, okay, kid?

Kenai: Enough with the stories. I don't care about the time you and Binky found the world's biggest pine cone ever.
Koda: First of all, his name's Bucky, not Binky. And second, it wasn't a pine cone, it was a pine nut, and it was huge, even bigger than your fat head.

Mrs. Berman: What do you think, Elwood? Do you like the new chair?
Ray Elwood: Can you sit on it, ma'am?
Mrs. Berman: No, of course you can't sit on it, it's an antique.
Ray Elwood: Oh, well, it's very nice.

Colonel Berman: What is this? What have we here?
Ray Elwood: Just some requisitions, sir.
Colonel Berman: One thousand gallons of Mop and Glow... my God, do we really need that much?
Ray Elwood: Well, cleanliness is next to godliness.

Ray Elwood: Say, do you ever have falling dreams?
Robyn Lee: Sure, I think so.
Ray Elwood: I have the same dream all the time where its really high and I'm kind of floating and then I fall. Is that the same as yours?
Robyn Lee: Kind of.
Ray Elwood: Well, why? What happens in yours?
Robyn Lee: I wake up before I hit the ground.
Ray Elwood: I always hit. I don't wake up.
Robyn Lee: That's not normal.

Commodus: The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story! But now, the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to challenge the Emperor himself in the great arena?
Maximus: You would fight me?
Commodus: Why not? Do you think I am afraid?
Maximus: I think you've been afraid all your life.

Commodus: What is your name, gladiator?
[Maximus turns away.]
Commodus: How dare you show your back to me! You will remove your helmet and tell me your name!
[Maximus slowly turns and removes his helmet.]
Maximus: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Maximus: I once knew a man who said "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."
Commodus: I wonder, did your friend smile at his own death?
Maximus: You must know. He was your father.