Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain.]
Bart: Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime.
Bart: Through the Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling.] Kinkyyyy. Sign here.
Hedley Lamarr: Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that property: the rightful owners.
Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.
Hedley Lamarr: Go do that voodoo that you do, so well.
Hedley Lamarr: Gentlemen, please rest your sphincters.
Taggart: I know how we can run everybody outta Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: How?
Taggart: We'll kill the first born male child in every household.
Lamarr: Too Jewish.
Nurse Diesel: Ahem.
Dr. Charles Montague: Oh, allow me to introduce Nurse Diesel, my right-hand man, woman.
Count De Monet: Your Majesty, you look like the piss boy.
King Louis XVI: And you look like a bucket of shit.
Count de Monet: Don't get saucy with me, Bearnaise.
Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting.
King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice.
King Louis XVI: Ah, the Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: It's "De Mon... "
King Louis XVI: Don't correct me.
Insolent Flunky: Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: De Monet! Say it... Mo - nay! Say it with me, Mo - nay.
Bearnaise: I don't like your cuffs... I don't like your cuffs! I don't like your cuffs! A man's cuffs should be even with the tip of his 'pee-pee'. Yours are all the way down to your balls.
Count de Monet: At least I have them.
Bearnaise: Bitch.
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