Quotes from Eddie Murphy movies and TV shows - page 7 of 8

Donkey: You, uh... You don't entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence... [big awkward silence.].

Donkey: Can I stay with you?
Shrek: What?
Donkey: Can I stay with you. Please?
Shrek: Of course!
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.

[Donkey looks for a blue flower with red thorns].
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't colorblind!

zenee

Shrek: Aw, come here, you.
Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes to kiss ass.

zenee

[Donkey, Shrek, and Puss in Boots have just been arrested.]
Donkey: What about my rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I had to remain silent!
Shrek: Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.

Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: NO.

Donkey: Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.

Donkey: Mother?
[Fairy Godmother looks Shrek and Donkey].
Shrek: Uh, Mary, a talking horse!

zenee

Shrek: Quick! Tell a lie!
Pinocchio: Uh, what should I say?
Gingy: Anything, but quick!
Donkey: Say something crazy, like, I'm wearing ladies' underwear.
Pinocchio: I'm wearing ladies' underwear.
[Nose doesn't grow].
Shrek: [Laughs] Are you?
Pinocchio: I most certainly am not.
[Nose grows].
Donkey: It looks like you most certainly am are.
Pinocchio: Am not.
[Nose grows].
Puss in Boots: What kind?
Gingy: It's a thong!
Pinocchio: They're briefs!
Gingy: Are not!
Pinocchio: Are too!
Gingy: Are not!
Pinocchio: Are too!
[Nose continues to grow].

zenee

Artie: Did you say you were looking for Arthur?
Puss in Boots: That information is on a need to know basis.
Donkey: It's top secret. Hushity-hush.

Donkey: They grow up so fast.
Shrek: Not fast enough.

Puss in Boots: How can you be a reciever of the wedgies, when you are not a wearer of the underpants?
Donkey: Let's just say some things are better left unsaid.

Donkey: What in the shestershire is this place?
Shrek: Well, my stomach's aching and my palms just got sweaty. Must be a high school.

Donkey: Man, you are a cat-tastrophe.
Puss in Boots: And you, are ri-donk-ulous.

Donkey: Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
Shrek: Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire breathing dragon and you have little mutant donkey dragon babies?
Donkey: I do?
Shrek: You saw what happened. She's going to think I'm crazy.
Donkey: I'm a daddy?

Jack McCall: I guess you never know if the last time you see someone is going to be the last time you ever see someone.

Slide: I will blow your face clean OFF your face.

Slide: A robbery can change very quickly. You have to be ready to adapt to the situation at any moment. Anything can happen. I was on a job a few days ago and my homie got shot in the face.
Josh Kovacs: If you get shot in the face, it's over.
Slide: If you get shot in your head, it's over. If you get shot in your face, the bullet will go through your cheek and come out the other side! Then, what you gonna do?
Cole Howard: Die! We're all gonna die.

Even Bigger Black Guy: I mean you beatin' 10 cops? You putting a man in the hospital? How come I don't see no bruises on you?
Big Black Guy: Yeah.
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause I'm a karate man! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherfucker! So get outta my face.

Billy Ray Valentine: Thanks a lot. How'd you like a stump up your ass?