Jerry Warriner: What did you tell him?
Lucy Warriner: I told him the truth, and strange enough, he believed me.
Jerry Warriner: And if you get bored in Oklahoma City, you can always go over to Tulsa for the weekend.
Jerry Warriner: What do we drink to?
Lucy Warriner: Well, let's drink to our future. Here's hoping you and Barbara will be very happy, which I doubt very much.
Jerry Warriner: No, let's drink to your happiness with Buffalo Bill, which doesn't even make sense.
Jerry Warriner: I wish Lucy would go out and get some fun for herself now and again. It would do her good. That's the trouble with most marriages today. People are always imagining things. The road to Reno is paved with suspicions. And the first thing you know, they all end up in a divorce court.
Henry Brougham: Are you expecting a letter?
Dudley: Well, you never know. If I did get one, the stamp would certainly be worth saving.
Dudley: Sometimes angels rush in where fools fear to tread.
Dudley: I don't want to leave.
Julia Brougham: Why?
Dudley: There are few people who know the secret of making a heaven here on earth. You are one of those rare people.
Dudley: Supposing I told you I came from another planet. Would you believe me?
Prof. Wutheridge: I don't know.
Julia Brougham: I'd believe you, Dudley.
Dudley: And you'd be right, Julia, as always. We all come from our own little planets. That's why we're all different. That's what makes life interesting.
Henry Brougham: I was praying for a cathedral.
Dudley: No, Henry. You were praying for guidance.
Reggie Lampert: I already know an awful lot of people, and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else.
Peter Joshua: Well, if anyone goes on the critical list, let me know.
Reggie Lampert: Well, wasn't it Shakespeare that said, "When strangers do meet in far off lands, they should e'er long see each other again"?
Peter Joshua: Shakespeare never said that!
Reggie Lampert: How do you know?
Peter Joshua: It's terrible. You just made it up.
Victor Rhyall, Earl: Sellers, have you seen my bible?
Trevor Sellers, the Butler: I'm afraid I've got it. I wanted to look something up.
Victor Rhyall, Earl: First you borrow my times, now you pinch my bible. That's democracy running amok.
Trevor Sellers, the Butler: I'm extremely sorry, Mylord. I'll put it back beside your bed.
Victor Rhyall, Earl: Anyway, you should have a bible of your own.
Trevor Sellers, the Butler: Well, the one you're using is mine, Mylord.
Sgt. Archibald Cutter: Now you're all under arrest. Her Majesty's very touchy about having her subjects strangled.
Sgt. Archibald Cutter: Is there no end to the torture that an Oriental mind can think of?
Sgt. 'Mac' MacChesney: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Cutter, you ain't leaving this village without my permission. Give me that bottle.
Sgt. Archibald Cutter: MacChesney, I've been a soldier for fourteen years. I know my duties as well as you do. But you're not talking to a soldier now, you're talking to an expedition. I'm an expedition.
Sgt. Archibald Cutter: You're mad.
Guru: Mad? Mad. Hannibal was mad, Caesar was mad, and Napoleon surely was the maddest of the lot. Ever since time began, they've called mad all the great soldiers in this world. Mad? We shall see what wisdom lies within my madness. For this is but the spring that precedes the flood. From here we roll on. From village to town. From town to mighty city. Ever mounting, ever widening, until at last my wave engulfs all India.
Hildy Johnson: Walter.
Walter Burns: What?
Hildy Johnson: The mayor's first wife, what was her name?
Walter Burns: You mean the one with the wart on her?
Hildy Johnson: Right.
Walter Burns: Fanny.
Walter Burns: Hey, Duffy, listen. Is there any way we can stop the 4:00 train to Albany from leaving town?
Duffy - Copy Editor: We might dynamite it.
Walter Burns: Could we?
Walter Burns: There's been a lamp burning in the window for ya, honey... here.
Hildy Johnson: Oh, I jumped out that window a long time ago.
Walter Burns: You've got an old fashioned idea divorce is something that lasts forever, 'til death do us part.' Why divorce doesn't mean anything nowadays, Hildy, just a few words mumbled over you by a judge.
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