Quotes from Buddy Hackett movies and TV shows

Ding Bell: Ah, this is hopeless. We're gonna get noplace if we're gonna continue listening to this old bag.
Benjy Benjamin: What are you trying to do, lady? You trying to split us up so it becomes every man for himself?
Ding Bell: ...And every woman for HIMself?
Mrs. Marcus: One more funny remark from you, buster.

Ding Bell: Hey. It's that hokey dentist.
Benjy Benjamin: Yeah.
Ding Bell: Pass that cab.
Second cab driver: What's the rush?
Ding Bell: What do you mean rush?
Benjy Benjamin: We ain't in any rush, we just wanna get there in a hurry.

Benjy Benjamin: Wall?
Ding Bell: No.
Benjy Benjamin: Walnut tree?
Ding Bell: No, no.
Benjy Benjamin: Walnuts?
Ding Bell: No.
Benjy Benjamin: In bags?
Ding Bell: No.

Tyler Fitzgerald: Anybody can fly plane, now here: I'll check you out. Put your little hands on the wheel there. Now put your feet on the rudder. There. Who says this ol' boy can't fly this ol' plane? Now I'm gonna make us some Old Fashioneds the old-fashioned way - the way dear old Dad used to.
Benjy Benjamin: What if something happens?
Tyler Fitzgerald: What could happen to an Old Fashioned?

Thorndyke: Good evening.
Tennessee Steinmetz: Sorry, the other rats are out for the evening.

Tennessee Steinmetz: Jim, it's happening right under our noses and we can't see it. We take machines and we stuff 'em with information until they're smarter than we are. Take a car. Most guys spread more love and time and money on their car in a week than they do on their wife and kids in a year. Pretty soon, you know what? The machine starts to think it is somebody.

Jim Douglas: Why is it the only food we have in this house is parrot food? I mean, we don't have a parrot.
Tennessee Steinmetz: Eat that! That's good. That's pressed kelp. That aerates your liver.

Marcellus Washburn: Hey, what are you selling now? Last I heard about you, you was in steam automobiles.
Harold Hill: I was.
Marcellus Washburn: Well, what happened?
Harold Hill: Somebody actually invented one.
Marcellus Washburn: No.