Quotes from Albert Brooks movies and TV shows

Martin Klein: OK. What about this? Here's a tough ethical one. Would you tell a source that you loved them? Just to get some information?
Aaron Altman: Yes.
George Wein: Yes.
Ernie Merriman: Me too.
Jennifer Mack: Sure.
George Wein: You bet.
Aaron Altman: Jennifer didn't know there was an alternative.

Aaron Altman: A lot of alliterations from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts.

Aaron Altman: If anything happens to me, you tell every woman I've ever gone out with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me.

Aaron Altman: I think we have the kind of friendship where if I were the devil, you'd be the only one I would tell.

Aaron Altman: And if things had gone differently for me tonight, then I probably wouldn't be saying any of this. I grant you everything. But give me this: He personifies everything that you've been fighting against. And I'm in love with you. How do you like that? I buried the lede.

Aaron Altman: Can I watch the news?

Aaron Altman: You really blew the lid off nookie.

Jane Craig: People called in complaining about your sweating?
Aaron Altman: No, nice calls, worried that I was having a heart attack.

Aaron Altman: Let's never forget, we're the real story, not them.

Tom Grunnick: I'm going to miss you... you're a prick in a good way... I'm sorry.
Aaron Altman: No, I liked how that made me sound.

Aaron Altman: The pointers were great, I'll study the tape.
Tom Granick: Just remember that you're not just reading the news, you're narrating it. Everybody has to sell a little. You're selling them this idea of you, you know, you're sort of saying, trust me I'm, um, credible. So when you feel yourself just reading, stop! Start selling a little.

Aaron Altman: And in the middle of all this, I started to think about the one thing that makes me feel really good and makes immediate sense... and it's you.
Jane Craig: Oh, Bubba.
Aaron Altman: I'm going to stop right now. Except that I would give anything if you were two people, so that I could call up the one who's my friend and tell her about the one that I like so much.

Aaron Altman: Sorry... sex, tears... this must be the news.

Aaron Altman: Six years from now, I'll be back here with my wife and two kids. And I'll see you, and one of my kids will say, "Daddy, who is that?" And I'll say it's not nice to point at single fat women.

Aaron Altman: Ok, I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time.

Jane Craig: No, no, no it wasn't just the speech, the same thing happened with this guy. I have passed some line, some place. I am beginning to repel people I'm trying to seduce.
Aaron Altman: He must've been great looking.
Jane Craig: Why do you say that?
Aaron Altman: Because nobody invites a bad looking idiot up to their bedroom.

Dr. Bennet Omalu: Cyril, I can not go back to Nigeria. Everything that I am is here. My child has got to be born in America.
Dr. Cyril Wecht: Don't worry, I'll get you a job. Hey, you can work with me in the prison laundry.

Dr. Cyril Wecht: What if they show up here with a warrant?
Dr. Bennet Omalu: On suspicion of what? Science?

Dr. Cyril Wecht: The NFL owns a day of the week. The same day the Church used to own. Now it's theirs.

Dr. Cyril Wecht: Do you know why you're not back in Nigeria?
Dr. Bennet Omalu: Yes, because I remind you of you.
Dr. Cyril Wecht: Only less handsome. Sit down.