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Mean Streak - S4-E3

Doug Heffernan: There's no I in IPS, Actually there is, right in the beginning. (00:04:30)

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Cello, Goodbye - S1-E3

Carrie Heffernan: Honey, if he didn't drive me home then we wouldn't be able to have sex in his car!

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Fat City - S1-E2

Doug Heffernan: Hey, Deac, let me ask you, do you think Carrie's gained weight?
Deacon Palmer: Say what?
Doug Heffernan: Carrie, my wife, do you think she's gained a little weight, a couple pounds, maybe?
Deacon Palmer: I don't know. Every time I see her she's blocked by you.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Arthur Spooner: [His house is burning to the ground] I wonder if it's too late to buy insurance?

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Pilot - S1-E1

Carrie Heffernan: I have a surprise for you.
Doug Heffernan: You're pregnant. Yes!
Carrie Heffernan: No.
Doug Heffernan: Thank God!

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Animal Attraction - S5-E15

Doug Heffernan: OK, I read somewhere that penguins are scared of walruses... So get down there and act like a walrus.
Deacon Palmer: OK so the two of us are up for the role of walrus, and I get it?

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Fatty McButterpants - S3-E3

Carrie Heffernan: Ok, Maybe you're a little...big.
Arthur Spooner: Why is this even a discussion? The man's gargantuan.

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