Miss Piggy: I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government and it could be a life-threatening situation.
Kermit: How can that be great news?
Miss Piggy: Because, I've got a story, I've got a story! Oh! I need to change! Something that says journalistic integrity.
Dr. Phil Van Neuter: Remember, if you experience any unpleasantness, please let me know. I would hate to miss it.
Pepe: Oh, boy, he fell on you like a ton of bricks, okay.
TV Producer: Gonzo, you've got it.
Rizzo: Sure wish we could find a cure for it.
Gonzo: Come on, fellas. Take me to my leader.
Kermit: What is he doing up there?
Rizzo: His breakfast cereal told him to sit up there.
Clifford: Talk about whole grain and nuts.
Rentro: While they're warming up the brain-sucker for ya in surgery, I brought you a sandwich here, and I cut off the crusts for you.
Gonzo: Remember, I built this new Jacuzzi for my alien family, so please, no eating in the spa.
Miss Piggy: Hello! What's a nice man like you doing in a guardhouse like this?
Ed Singer: Forgive me my Earthly manners, but, uh, do you have any idea what it's like to be laughed at?
Gonzo: Yeah, sure I do.
Ed Singer: To be called names, like 'wacko.'.
Gonzo: Uh-huh.
Ed Singer: And 'freak-boy.'.
Gonzo: Oh, yeah.
Ed Singer: And 'paranoid delusional psychopath'?
Gonzo: Got me there.
Agent Barker: Black belt, third degree.
Miss Piggy: Platinum belt, with an unlimited line of credit.
Ed Singer: I'm afraid we're going to have to perform an invasive quadrilobal brain probe on you and pluck it from your head.
Gonzo: The information?
Ed Singer: No, your brain.
Miss Piggy: We're going to pause here and we'll be right back with Gonzo, the Geek Who Fell to Earth.
Kermit: Okay, guys. It's up to us. We have to save Gonzo from a whole army of government agents.
Fozzie: Well, I have a joke book.
Animal: Drumsticks, drumsticks.
Pepe: I have some loose jello, okay.
Kermit: Okay. Well that settles that.
Miss Piggy: Oh! A real story. Intrigue! Danger! New outfits! And it's mine, mine, mine, all mine, a ha ha ha ha... (to camera) Oh, come on, please, you think Ted Koppel never gets excited?
Pepe: De prawn cracker wins.
Ed Singer: Excuse me. Can this thing go any faster?
Rentro: I'm doing thirty..
Rizzo: How you doin', Ed?
Fast Eddie: Well, I ain't dead.
