Hot Rod (2007)

Rod Kimble: Have fun being married to satan.

Frank: I'm gonna knock the ridiculous mustache right off your face!
Rod: All great men have mustaches, Frank!
Frank: Yeah, but real men actually grow them!
Rod: You know I have a hormone disorder!
Frank: BOO!

Denise: Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind you'll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities.
Rod Kimble: Yes, sensei.
Denise: You don't have to call me sensei, Rod.
Rod Kimble: Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?
Denise: I'm not gonna lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet.

Dave: I have various responsibilities within the crew. I'm kind of a jack-of-all-trades, really. I, one time, manned a flamethrower.
High School Girl: Cool.
Dave: Of course it's cool. It's awesome as shit.

Frank Powell: Never sneak up on a man who's been in a chemical fire.

Rod Kimble: You have only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional.

Rod Kimble: Life is pain - we've got to scrape the joy from it every chance we get.

Dave: Oh, whoa, wait, what? Why is Rod kissing his sister?
Kevin Powell: Oh, Denise isn't his sister.
Dave: She's not?
Kevin Powell: No.
Dave: Oh. That shatters my entire universe.

Barry Pasternak: Now I don't want to say that kiss was hot, but if the boner police are here, I want a lawyer.

Barry Pasternak: I've got a tattoo here that fully illustrates my point. It's of this rebellious young man, and he's urinating on an FM radio. And then this other stream of urine is going onto that television set. Implausible, I know, but I like to think that he had sex the night before, and a little bit of residue is blocking his urethra, allowing the urine to flow in two separate directions.

Rod Kimble: What's going on? Is this some sort of interactive theatre art piece?

Rod Kimble: Cool beans?
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.

Rod Kimble: We don't talk much, do we? Kathy, was it? My name's Rod. I do awesome stunts all the time with my friends. You probably didn't know that. And you probably have lots of cool stuff about you that I don't know. Point is, if you don't sit down with someone and really talk and get to know them you'll never find those things out. So what do you say? Wanna make this thing official?

Cathy: Why do you call yourself Voltron, Dave?
Dave: I don't know, Cathy, maybe because it's super badass?

Rod Kimble: Frank, I'm going to get you better, you old sack of shit, and then I'm going to uncork the ass beating of a lifetime on you! And you will respect me! Peace.

Rod Kimble: Funky Fresh.

Dave: You know, pools are perfect for holding water.

Cathy: Why'd you call yourself Voltron?
Dave: I don't know. Maybe cause it's super badass.
Cathy: You're weird.
Dave: Hells, yeah, I am.

Rod Kimble: I needed to think about last night. So I galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out my rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, I realised what has to be done.

Kevin Powell: Wow, Rod. I can't believe she said yes.
Rod Kimble: Yeah Kevin. You've only to believe if you wish to achieve. That rhymed. Unintentional.
Denise: Wow. She's really pretty, Rod.
Rod Kimble: I know, D. But it's more than that me and Kathy. It's emotional. She gets me.
Dave: Wow, Rod. I am just green with jealous rage right now.