Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg: Aboard my ship, excellent performance is standard, standard performance is sub-standard, and sub-standard performance is not permitted to exist - that, I warn you.
Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg: Get that red-headed fellow over there, that one there.
Lt. Keith: Sir, it's impossible to tell which one is red-headed. They're all wearing their helmets.
Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg: Keith - you're an idiot.
Barney Greenwald: I'm going to be frank with you two. I've read the preliminary investigation very carefully and I think that what you've done stinks.
May Wynn: I didn't mean to ruin your evening, I just bruise easily.
Barney Greenwald: I don't want to upset you too much, but at the moment you have an excellent chance of being hanged.
Lt. Commander Philip Francis Queeg: Mr. Maryk, you may tell the crew for me that there are four ways of doing things aboard my ship: The right way, the wrong way, the Navy way, and my way. They do things my way, and we'll get along.
Ensign Willie Keith: Sir, you don't like the Navy, do you?
Lt. Keefer: Who called the Caine the Navy?
Whittaker: Mr. Maryk, Mr. Kieth. The captain wants a meeting with all officers, right away.
Lt. Maryk: Now? At one o'clock in the morning?
Whittaker: Yes, sir.
Lt. Maryk: Do you know what it's about?
Whittaker: Yes, sir - strawberries.
Lieutenant Tom Keefer: "There is no escape from the Caine, save death. We're all doing penance, sentenced to an outcast ship, manned by outcasts, and named after the greatest outcast of them all."
