Art Wiengartner: I'm telling you these people are Satanists. As I sit here, they are satanists. Look, look, the world is full of these kind of things - black masses, mutilations. Mutilations! The incubus, the succubus - I'm tellin' you, Walter was a human sacrifice.
Ray Peterson: I'm a broken man because of you, Art.
Mark Rumsfield: Art.
Bonnie Rumsfield: Your wife is home.
Mark Rumsfield: And your house is on fire.
Art: My wife is home?
Mark Rumsfield: That really burns my ass.
Bonnie Rumsfield: What?
Mark Rumsfield: That old fart. He's got the best lawn on the block. And you know why? Because he trains his dog to crap in my yard.
Art: Safety is my middle name.
Ray Peterson: I thought his middle name was Louis.
Reuben: Mind your own business! mind your OWN business.
Ray Peterson: Okay.
Mark Rumsfield: Rumsfield's the name. Don't think I caught yours, sonny?
Hans Klopek: H-H-Hans.
Mark Rumsfield: Hans! Oh-ho! A fine Christian name. Hans Christian Andersen! What are you, Catholic?
Ray Peterson: I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. I-I've never seen that.
Art Wiengartner: I don't know if you've noticed, but there's bars on the basement windows here.
Ray Peterson: They've got holes in their porch, too.
Art Wiengartner: Argh! That was a booby trap.
Ray Peterson: Are you okay?
Art Wiengartner: Yeah.
Ray Peterson: Oh, booby trap. I'm not gonna pay for that.
Art Wiengartner: We shouldn't pay for that, we should sue them.
Ray Peterson: Nobody knocks off an old man in my neighborhood and gets away with it.
Ray Peterson: I'm gonna go do something productive. I'm gonna go watch television.
Answer: It's unlikely he could have survived in real life, or if he did, he'd be far more injured and/or permanently maimed, but this is a comedy movie, and reality is often ignored.
raywest ★