Mark Rumsfield: There go the Goddamn brownies.
Ray Peterson: So they keep to themselves, can you blame them? They live next door to people who break in their house, and burn IT down while they're gone for the day.
Ricky Butler: Hey, Mrs. Rumsfield, no tan lines. Looks nice.
Mark Rumsfield: That kid next door's a meatball.
Ray Peterson: You wanna take that out of your pocket? You wanna not steal that from Walter's house, please?
Ray Peterson: No, Art, see, they're gonna think that I did it. Yeah, they are.
Art Wiengartner: Why?
Ray Peterson: Well the old guy... He saw me write a note and put it underneath Walter's door SO NOW THEY'RE gonna think that I DID IT.
Art Wiengartner: ...You wrote a note?
Ray Peterson: Infra-red night vision scopes? What are we going to do next, tap their phones line?
Mark Rumsfield: That can be arranged.
Hans Klopek: Sardine?
Bonnie Rumsfield: I'm trying to cut back.
Art: I think the message to, uh, psychos, fanatics, murderers, nutcases all over the world is, uh, "do not mess with suburbanites." Because, uh, frankly we're just not gonna take it any more. Ya know, we're not gonna be content to look after our lawns and wax our cars, paint out houses. We're out to get them, Don, we are out to get them.
Art Wiengartner: I'm telling you these people are Satanists. As I sit here, they are satanists. Look, look, the world is full of these kind of things - black masses, mutilations. Mutilations! The incubus, the succubus - I'm tellin' you, Walter was a human sacrifice.
Ray Peterson: I'm a broken man because of you, Art.
Mark Rumsfield: Art.
Bonnie Rumsfield: Your wife is home.
Mark Rumsfield: And your house is on fire.
Art: My wife is home?
Mark Rumsfield: That really burns my ass.
Bonnie Rumsfield: What?
Mark Rumsfield: That old fart. He's got the best lawn on the block. And you know why? Because he trains his dog to crap in my yard.
Art: Safety is my middle name.
Ray Peterson: I thought his middle name was Louis.
Reuben: Mind your own business! mind your OWN business.
Ray Peterson: Okay.
Mark Rumsfield: Rumsfield's the name. Don't think I caught yours, sonny?
Hans Klopek: H-H-Hans.
Mark Rumsfield: Hans! Oh-ho! A fine Christian name. Hans Christian Andersen! What are you, Catholic?
Ray Peterson: I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. I-I've never seen that.
Art Wiengartner: I don't know if you've noticed, but there's bars on the basement windows here.
Ray Peterson: They've got holes in their porch, too.
Art Wiengartner: Argh! That was a booby trap.
Ray Peterson: Are you okay?
Art Wiengartner: Yeah.
Ray Peterson: Oh, booby trap. I'm not gonna pay for that.
Art Wiengartner: We shouldn't pay for that, we should sue them.
Ray Peterson: Nobody knocks off an old man in my neighborhood and gets away with it.
Ray Peterson: I'm gonna go do something productive. I'm gonna go watch television.
Art: Hey, hey, hey. Who the heck ordered the blood shake? Hey, Ray, it's not Skip. It's me, Art. I'm just pretending to be Skip. Say, you didn't happen to see an ice pick around here, did you?
Answer: It's unlikely he could have survived in real life, or if he did, he'd be far more injured and/or permanently maimed, but this is a comedy movie, and reality is often ignored.
raywest ★