Best comedy movie quotes of 2015

Evelyn Greenslade: I don't know why I tell you anything.
Muriel Donnelly: Because I'm older and wiser.
Evelyn Greenslade: Nineteen days older.
Muriel Donnelly: That's the entire lifespan of a wasp.

Wullie: You look like a haunted tree.

Carson Welch: The future isn't just something that happens. It's a brutal force with a great sense of humor that will steamroll you if you're not watching.

Poppa: Sometimes you got to get through your fear to see the beauty on the other side.

Mr. Green: We both know Miley was flawless.

Ben: I can look into your eyes, and I can tell you're not evil.

Scarlett Overkill: Do you know who this is?
Kevin the Minion: Uh... La cucaracha?
Scarlett Overkill: This is Queen Elizabeth! Ruler of England! And I really, really, really want her crown.

Hope: Hey - Yo. Which one of you guys want to buy me a drink?
Cute Guy at Bar: Laughs.
Hope: That's me.
Cute Guy at Bar: That's you?
Hope: Yep.
Cute Guy at Bar: You look nice.
Hope: I still, like, hardly ever get my period. So you don't gotta worry about knocking me up. You could fuck me all raw and shit.
Cute Guy at Bar: Laughs Wow. So, if we buy you a drink.
Hope: Will I let you double team me? Absolutely.
Cute Guy at Bar: Could you just leave us alone?

Comic: So first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?
Ted: 9/11!
Comic: Oh oh, okay. Okay, maybe something else. Uh, let's start with a person.
John: Robin Williams!
Comic: Okay, all right. For real, guys, for real. Who's got a person?
Ted: Robin Williams on 9/11!
Comic: Alright, we've heard from these guys, uh, let's maybe give somebody else over here a chance. How about a location? Let's go with a location.
Ted: The offices of Charlie Hebdo!
Comic: Okay seriously, sir, I just need a location.
John: Ferguson, Missouri!
Ted: Germanwings cockpit!
Comic: Okay, I heard Starbucks!
Ted: No you didn't!
John: Nobody said Starbucks.
Comic: Alright, Starbucks! Okay now, who's in the Starbucks?
Ted: Bill Cosby.

Napoleon Solo: He's trying. To stop. The car.
Gaby Teller: We're struggling here. Why don't you take a shot at him?
Napoleon Solo: Somehow, it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

Maya Blart: Look, Dad, you're going to have to get use to the idea that I'm a big girl now.
Paul Blart: Ok, first of all, we're all big. We're Blarts. Wide hips, thick ankles, and a low center of gravity. That's how the good Lord made us. That's why we're no good at running hurdles. Never will be.

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Bianca Piper: In the end, it isn't about popularity or even getting the guy. It's about understanding that no matter what label is thrown your way, only you can define yourself.

Kevin Griswold: There was a hole in the side of my stall.
Rusty Griswold: Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole.

Wyatt Earp: What's shakin' Twain?
Mark Twain: Hey, I'm good on anything. Just like gravy, baby. Good to see you my man.
Wyatt Earp: You too, man.
Wyatt Earp: Hey, I finally read Prince and the Pauper.
Mark Twain: Oh, is that right?
Wyatt Earp: Didn't get it.
Mark Twain: For reals?
Wyatt Earp: Satire! Boom! I got ya.

Castillo: Did you hire me?
Jane: I'm sorry?
Castillo: Did you hire me?
Jane: No, no.
Castillo: I hired you.
Jane: No, nobody hired me. I cannot be hired. Unless you mean in the uh, you know, the technical sense, then yes, I probably was hired.

Pete: You brought your guitar.
Ricki: Yeah, just the one.

Woody: Is that it?
Zach: No, it's another spaceship that fell out of the sky, dumbass.

Murray: Please don't kill me.
Vlad: Talking toilet paper... well that's a new one.

Bucky: Such a fuss, when everything we want is right in front of us the whole time.

Adam Jr.: I'm a god. I'm a fuckin' god.