Bianca Piper: In the end, it isn't about popularity or even getting the guy. It's about understanding that no matter what label is thrown your way, only you can define yourself.
Lily: You're the ogre.
Adam Jones: Yes. But I bake great cakes.
David: I'm going to do it with a knife.
Short Sighted Woman: Do you want me to come with you?
David: I'd rather you didn't.
Short Sighted Woman: Don't worry. It's strange at first but then you'll get used to it. The other senses are heightened, touch for example, and hearing.
David: I know... I won't be long.
Evelyn Greenslade: I don't know why I tell you anything.
Muriel Donnelly: Because I'm older and wiser.
Evelyn Greenslade: Nineteen days older.
Muriel Donnelly: That's the entire lifespan of a wasp.
Wullie: You look like a haunted tree.
Carson Welch: The future isn't just something that happens. It's a brutal force with a great sense of humor that will steamroll you if you're not watching.
Mal: The strength of evil is good as none when stands before four hearts as one.
Mr. Green: We both know Miley was flawless.
Scarlett Overkill: Do you know who this is?
Kevin the Minion: Uh... La cucaracha?
Scarlett Overkill: This is Queen Elizabeth! Ruler of England! And I really, really, really want her crown.
Comic: So first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?
Ted: 9/11!
Comic: Oh oh, okay. Okay, maybe something else. Uh, let's start with a person.
John: Robin Williams!
Comic: Okay, all right. For real, guys, for real. Who's got a person?
Ted: Robin Williams on 9/11!
Comic: Alright, we've heard from these guys, uh, let's maybe give somebody else over here a chance. How about a location? Let's go with a location.
Ted: The offices of Charlie Hebdo!
Comic: Okay seriously, sir, I just need a location.
John: Ferguson, Missouri!
Ted: Germanwings cockpit!
Comic: Okay, I heard Starbucks!
Ted: No you didn't!
John: Nobody said Starbucks.
Comic: Alright, Starbucks! Okay now, who's in the Starbucks?
Ted: Bill Cosby.
Napoleon Solo: He's trying. To stop. The car.
Gaby Teller: We're struggling here. Why don't you take a shot at him?
Napoleon Solo: Somehow, it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do.
Kevin Griswold: There was a hole in the side of my stall.
Rusty Griswold: Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole.
Randy: I know who you are. You all are wanted.
Cooper: I am a police officer. Mrs. Riva, she's a federal witness in my protective custody. Everybody in this state is looking for her, dirty cops and the cartel. We need a couple hours to lie low. Now, can you help us with that?
Randy: I kind of like your smile.
Bucky: Such a fuss, when everything we want is right in front of us the whole time.
Travis McCredle: Fuck me. Is that Emily Ratajkowski over there talking to Vinnie Chase?
Eric Murphy: Sure is.
Ari Gold: You want to meet her?
Travis McCredle: I want to marry her, but you have to start somewhere.
Joy: Don't ever think that the world owes you anything, because it doesn't. The world doesn't owe you a thing.
Dennis: I wouldn't mind shagging your leg right now.
Neil Clarke: I thought I turned you into a rational thinking creature.
Dennis: Rational thinking creature still have desires.
Neil Clarke: We'll soon deal with that.
Dennis: No! Don't take my desires away from me.
Neil Clarke: Why not?
Dennis: They wouldn't make my life worth living! Biscuits, shagging.
Michael Stone: Sometimes there's no lesson. That's a lesson in itself.
