April Epner: Your wife was seeing someone else?
Frank: Pretty much everyone else. I was too much for her.
April Epner: Your wife? I'm sure she didn't feel that way.
Frank: She told me.
April Epner: What did she say?
Frank: 'You're too much for me.'.
April Epner: Ugh.
Hertz: Come on, Smith, come on, guns don't kill people - but they sure help.
Dennis: I can lose weight, but you'll always be an asshole!
Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.
Murphy Bivens: I'll see you in the sequel, bitch.
Jean Paul Clement: Most people are together just so they are not alone. But some people want magic. I think you are one of those people.
Alex Fletcher: I have great insight. I'd use it on myself only I don't have any problems.
Turner Claymore: Here at Berm-Tech we offer you a handshake, whether you have hands, hooks, or flippers.
John Farley: You have a father?
Mr. Woodcock: Of course I have a father, Farley, I'm not Jesus.