Jean Paul Clement: Most people are together just so they are not alone. But some people want magic. I think you are one of those people.
Milly: I think he has a hot-dog with a bun.
Wilson: Misanthrope seeks misanthrope. Honestly, if you respond to this ad then you are probably not the kind of woman I'd go out with. I guess I'm lonely and it's new years and I'm willing to embarrass the hell out of myself with this ad. About me: My girlfriends over the years have been intelligent and beautiful, in the end they have all broken my heart, whatever that means. My friend says I have to have a foto, so here it is. Talk to you soon. Wilson.
John Farley: You have a father?
Mr. Woodcock: Of course I have a father, Farley, I'm not Jesus.
Alex Fletcher: The thing that really hurts is my upper gum. I think I may have impaled myself on a dinner roll. It's a very good thing they didn't have bread sticks. I could have lost an eye.
Phil: I've gotta drop the kids off at the pool.
Juliette: We have a pool?
Phil: Uh, no.
Larry McCoy: I'm getting too fat for this shit.
Silas: I gonna drop you like K-Fed.