John Nichols: When the government turns tyrannical, it is your duty to overthrow it.
Michael Moore: Why not use Gandhi's way? He didn't have guns, and he beat the British Empire.
John Nichols: I'm not... familiar with that.
Sam: What thousands must die, so that Caesar may become the great.
Medical Examiner: Give me a break, I had to jerk off twice this morning just to get my heart started.
Salvadoran Man: Lawyers are a waste of oxygen.
Sheldon: Someone toss me a beach towel because my head is swimming.
Bob Crane: I think it's perfect for me. I mean, this character Hogan, he's quick on his toes, he's hip, he's a con artist. I don't wanna jinx it, but I think it's what I've been working toward my whole career.
Anne Crane: Really? You've been working towards a Holocaust comedy?
Bob Crane: Ann.
Anne Crane: What, Bob?
Bob Crane: Please, not in front of the children! They look up to me.
Anne Crane: They're small. They look up to everyone.
Richard: You can't get fingerprints off skin.
Justin: You can with a magna brush, or a print camera, or an iodine gun and silver transfer sheets.
Khamtay: Why would you buy me those?
Jeffrey Dahmer: Because I like to do nice things for people. Makes me feel good about myself.
Khamtay: Are you some kind of nut?
Jeffrey Dahmer: That's sad.
Khamtay: What?
Jeffrey Dahmer: That we've gotten to a point where doing nice things for people is considered insane.
Buddy Noone: This goes on any longer, I want a raise.
Terry McCaleb: How 'bout Workman's Comp?
Monroe Hutchens: He's a fighter, I'm a fighter, if I'm better on that day, I win. That's just the way it goes. Someday, every fighter loses. Sooner or later, somebody comes along and they got your ticket. Too old, just wasn't your day, whatever the reason is. In the end, everybody gets beaten. The most you can hope for is that you stay on top a while. Be the best.
Freddie: Barry! You fuckin' ponce! You think you can just smash my machines?
Barry Ryan: Freddy, you fuckin' ferret. I jus' did, didn' I?
Frank: But then, I'm drunk by 8 p.m.
Mike: It's noon.
Frank: Hey, I'm ahead of the game.
Lily: Isn't sugar better than vinegar?
Pierre: You're behaving like an animal. Even animals don't seek revenge.
Ben Manibag: Do you ever wonder about your real parents?
Stephanie Vandergosh: The parents I have now are my real parents.
Jakob Elinsky: What do we say to him?
Frank Slaughtery: We say nothin'. The guy's going to hell for seven years, what are going do wish him luck?
Agustín Rejas: I'd like to have a list of staff with access to the President's chambers.
Calderón: Luckily there are only two of them. The first is named 'Fuck', the second is named 'Off'.
Jack Van Meter: Fuck L.A.