Ray Castro: Why are hurricanes named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, and when they leave, they take your house and your car.
Matthew: Enter the fuckin' dragon.
Erik Jones: Where are you going?
Eva: We're going out for a smoke.
Erik Jones: Oh come downstairs. It's Marlboro country.
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Reichsmarschall Hermann Wilhelm Göring: One German, a fine man. Two Germans, a party. Three Germans, a war. One Englishman, an idiot. Two Englishmen, a club. Three Englishmen, an Empire.
Imogen: I have something to tell you... I slept with Jim last night.
Al: Get the fuck out.
Bob Barrenger: Only second chance I know, is the chance to make the same mistake twice.
Vanessa: I just wanna know where I belong.
Mona Hibbard: You belong in the family box.
Chopper: Tell me this, right. Why would I shoot a bloke BANG? And then put him in the bloody car and wizz him off to the hospital at a hundred miles an hour? It defeats the purpose of having shot him in the first place.
Rudy Duncan: Rule one! Never put a car thief behind the wheel.
Bree Davis: You see women all day, every day. How do they keep from just runnin' together?
Dr. Sullivan "Sully" Travis, "Dr. T": I think every single woman I've ever met has got somethin' special about her, somethin' that sets her apart from the rest.
Bree Davis: Well, if a gynecologist says there's no two alike, I guess there's no two alike.
Peter McGowan: Are you drunk or something?
Larry: What time is it?
Peter McGowan: Four.
Larry: Yep.
Mickey: I've got a gun, Harv, and they let me use it when people piss me off.
Lucas: This isn't right.
Judge Litten Mandrake: Well, it may not be right, but it worked. This is your preacceptance to the law school of your choice.
Lucas: I haven't even applied yet.
Judge Litten Mandrake: Imagine that. It's all paid for. I would do anything to protect you. Won't you do the same for me?
Harvey: I don't think you should drink on duty.
Mickey: I'm not on duty.
Harvey: But you are.
Mickey: You want to report me... here's my badge. Please... Please... report me.
Harvey: You know I would'nt do that Michael.
Mickey: Do I know you?
Harvey: No, not yet.
Mickey: Well when I do, remind me to tell you to mind your own business.
Tigger: You can't bounce the bounce if you can't even pronounce the bounce.
Captain Victor Benezet: Go home. Put on a funny hat. Do whatever it is morons do.
President Kennedy: Well, who the hell authorized this missile test?
Robert Kennedy: Who do you think? God knows what this is gonna communicate to the Soviets.
Kenny O'Donnell: Communicate with the Soviets? We can't communicate with the Pentagon - and it's just across the goddamn river.
Charlie: So, you're going to dinner with both of them? The girl you like and the girl you slept with?
Oscar: Yeah, my dad's coming too.