Frau Farbissina: Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it looked like you weren't coming back we should try to make you a son so that a part of you could live forever?
Dr. Evil: Oh, sure.
Frau Farbissina: Well, after a couple of years, we got a little impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
Dr. Evil: My son?
Frau Farbissina: Ja. SCOTT!
[Poe is looking out of the back of the plane at the DEA agent's car tethered to it, flapping about.]
Cameron Poe: On any other day, that might seem strange.
Castor Troy: You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Papa's got a brand new bag.
Sheriff Buck Olmstead: The guy was a killer, Frank.
Frank LaCrosse: Yeah, but he wasn't a liar.
Ian Malcolm: Mommy's very angry.
Paul Serone: They strike, wrap around you. Hold you tighter than your true love. And you get the privilege, of hearing your bones break before the power of embrace causes your veins to explode.
Charles Morse: We're all put to the test... but it never comes in the form or at the point we would prefer, does it?
Simon Templar: Do you know what the worst part about being you is?
Ivan Tretiak: What.
Simon Templar: Pretending to be so bad in bed.
Ivan Tretiak: You son of the bitch.
Earl: What a man needs out here is a CB radio.
Jeff Taylor: Is that right?
Earl: 'Course, if you use a CB, you gotta have a handle. I'm thinking for you, "Shit For Brains."
Beatrice: I'll tell you something right now; I know Edgar and that wasn't Edgar. It's like something was wearing Edgar like a suit. An Edgar suit.
President James Marshall: Peace is not just the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice.
Thomas Devoe: I don't know about these guys, but General Aleksandr Kodoroff doesn't ride around on a nuclear transportation train. It's like Ivana Trump on the subway.
Harry Dalton: My 9th grade science teacher always said that if you put a frog in boiling hot water, it would jump out. But put it in cold water, and heat it up gradually, it would slowly boil to death.
Nancy: What's that Harry? Your recipe for frog soup?
Harry Dalton: It's my recipe for a disaster.
James Russell: I want some answers.
Franklin Hatchett: Hey man, me and Guy just down here, checkin' out some fly rides, and mackin' some hos and chillin'.
James Russell: Imagine that. It's like a G-Dog on a fly tip. Flossin' wit da posse. Cuttin' in da crib. what THE fuck does that mean?
Franklin Hatchett: Man, I don't wanna have to beat yo ass, but I will beat yo ass.
Poison Ivy: I must confess, the combination of heroic derring-do and anatomically-correct rubber suit puts fire in a girl's lips.
Batman: Why do all the gorgeous ones have to be homicidal maniacs? Is it me?
Conrad: They just fuck you and they fuck you and they fuck you, and then just when you think it's all over, that's when the real fucking starts.
Moe Tilden: That cupcake makes a mess and we got a case again.
Ursula's mother: When Lyle returns, this wedding will proceed as planned. If you do anything to upset that, I'll remove your reason for wearing a loincloth.