Bill Clinton: In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.
Hamlet: Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio - a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a thousand times, and now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung these lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were won't to set the table on a roar?
Sheriff Sam Deeds: Well, I'm working on a few things. I'm going over to the other side.
Ray: Republicans?
Sheriff Sam Deeds: No, Mexico.
Louis: Men love to hate. It's what separates us from the females of the spieces. It's the natural law in Wild America.
Rodriguez: Move that briefcase, I wanna see that beautiful ass.
Abe Henry: I don't mean to offend you, Bob. But your brother's a cocksucker. Does that offend you?
Bob: No, that didn't offend me.
Abe Henry: Good.
Det. Stone: Any time you need me, give me a call. It's Stone, as in Sharon.
Damien Wayne Echols: I knew from when I was real small people were gonna know who I was, I always had that feeling... I just never knew how they were gonna learn. I kind of enjoy it now because even after I die, people are gonna remember me forever. People are gonna talk about me for years. People in West Memphis will tell their kids stories... It'll be sorta like I'm the West Memphis boogie man. Little kids will be looking under their beds - "Damien might be under there!"
Michael: I like it here, it's quiet. Nobody ever bothers a librarian.
Richard Clark: Victoria, could you give me a ride home? I seem to have misplaced my car.
Victoria Chapell: Oh, don't worry about it. All the teachers loose their car on their first day.
Spyro: Haven't seen you in a while Bobby, where you been?
Bobby: I've been around, you know me I'm Alway's taking care of business.
Damien: Bobby explain something to me, how the fuck can you miss hitting a man in the head At Point Blank Range.
Bobby: I thought I hit him.
Candy Darling: Aren't you gonna run after us?
Edna, the wheelchair-bound receptionist: That's a terrible thing to say.
Candy Darling: Honey, its a terrible world.
Dosmo Pizzo: How did you find me?
Lee Woods: In the phone book under Washout.
Lee Woods: You have one minute to decide the rest of your life.
Berfo: I am ready to burn in the hell for this love. And you?
John Smith: I'm surprised you aren't mad at me... I thought you might hold it against me for killing 3 of your guys.
Doyle: It's the only cure I know for being stupid.
Dr. Michael Reynolds: Why don't you grow some pubic hair, junior.
Brandon 'Blue' Monroe: I got pubic hair, asshole. It's the one place I got hair left.