William "Billy" Tepper: All right, what now?
Derek 'Yogurt': All right, all right. Very, very carefully take the red chip out of the receiver.
William "Billy" Tepper: There is no red chip.
Derek 'Yogurt': There must be.
William "Billy" Tepper: Well I'm sorry, there isn't. There's a blue chip the same size as the red chip, but there's no red chip.
Derek 'Yogurt': That must be it then.
William "Billy" Tepper: Well is it, or isn't it?
Derek 'Yogurt': I don't know.
Mickey Cohen: Hey, this conversation is beneath me.
Rose: Caroline's right. The mind slips sideways. How could I invite him? What would we talk about? The truth is... I bore him, and there's no way back. No, if you bore somebody, it's almost impossible to un-bore him.
Fred Tate: My first grade teacher, Miss Nimvel, told Dede that I never paid attention. That I was probably retarded, and that I had a very limited future as a citizen of the United States. Then a week later, she said I should probably skip second grade, maybe even skip elementary school altogether.
Detective Mastrionotti: Started in Kansas City. Couple of housewives.
Detective Deutsch: Couple days ago we see the same M.O. out in Los Feliz.
Detective Mastrionotti: Doctor. Ear, nose and throat man.
Detective Deutsch: All of which he's now missin'.
Detective Mastrionotti: Well, some of his throat was there.
Detective Deutsch: Physician, heal thyself.
Detective Mastrionotti: Good luck with no fuckin' head.
Detective Deutsch: Anyway.
Danielle: Where are you anyway?
Alex Wagner: I'm taking my brother on a fishing trip.
Danielle: Give him a big kiss for me, all right?
Alex Wagner: Big kiss? I'll give him a big kick in the ass, that's what I'll give him.
Kate Sullivan: For someone who doesn't have anything nice to say about lawyers you certainly have plenty of them around.
Lawrence Garfield: They're like nuclear warheads. They have theirs, so I have mine. Once you use them they f - - everything up.
Edward II: I here create thee Lord High Chamberlain, Chief Secretary to the State and me, Earl of Cornwall, King and Lord of Man.
Piers Gaveston: My Lord, these titles far exceed my worth.
Edward II: Thy worth sweet friend is far above my gifts. And therefore to equal it, receive my heart.
Josephine Baker: Hollywood wants me to play maids - I have maids of my own.
Cozy Carlisle: Karmically, self-defense is quite cool.
Bookstore owner: You're the D.A..
Nick Styles: Wrong! They fired me. As a private citizen I can kick anybody's ass I want to.
Johnny Murata: You know all of that upper body strength really slows you down.
Chris Kenner: I'm not slow.
Johnny Murata: You didn't hit me.
Chris Kenner: If I did, you wouldn't be here.
Johnny Murata: Not arguing. But you didn't.
Jack Conroy: Is there any good reason why we can't just bury him here? I don't think he'll know the difference.
Alex Larson: I gave him my word.
Jim Morrison: You're all a bunch of fuckin' slaves! How much longer are you gonna let them push you around?
Wally Fields: What would I have to give you for one little kiss?
Loretta: Chloroform.
Jessica: What's wrong, Mr. Turner?
Henry: I had enough, so I said when.
Jessica: Good for you.
Derek Bentley: Let him have it, Chris.
Daniel: They have an afterworld of their own.
Father Laforgue: They have no concept of one.
Daniel: Annuka told me they believe that in the forest at night the dead can see. The souls of men hunt the souls of animals.
Father Laforgue: Is that what she told you? It is childish, Daniel.
Daniel: Is it harder to believe in than Paradise where we all sit on clouds and look at God?
Tong Po: You're the weakest of all the Sloans.