Vivian: Oh...Look honey, I have a runner in my pantyhose. Oops! I'm not wearing panty hose!
Woman at elevator: Shut your mouth, dear.
Major Ashley-Pitt: In our experience, Americans are uncouth misfits who should be run out of their own barbaric country.
Matthew Quigley: Well, Lieutenant.
Major Ashley-Pitt: Major.
Matthew Quigley: Major. We already run the misfits outta our country. We sent 'em back to England.
Annie Wilkes: What's the ceiling that Dago painted?
Paul Sheldon: The Sistine Chapel?
Frank White: From now on, nothing goes down unless I'm involved. No blackjack no dope deals, no nothing. A nickel bag gets sold in the park, I want in. You guys got fat while everybody starved on the street. Now it's my turn.
Tim Daland: I had sponsors in from all over the coast and I'm hugging, and holding hands, and praying for a good showin'. And what do we do? We end up looking like a monkey fucking a football out there. Everybody out, please.
Dr. Sayer: I'm sorry, if you were right, I would agree with you.
Molly Jensen: Carl, are you all right?
Carl Bruner: It's just my stomach! Do you have anything like Pepto Bismol or something like that?
Sam Wheat: Cyanide.
Henry Hill: What happened?
Jimmy Conway: They whacked him. They fucking whacked him. I can't fucking believe it.
Bill: He thr-thr-thr-thrusts his fi-fi-fists ag-ag-against the pos-posts and...
Ben: He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts. That's all it says over and over.
Bill: Th-th-thats w-w-what m-m-my m-m-mom g-gave me t-to h-help with my st-st-stutter.
Richie: I hate to tell you buddy, it ain't working.
Verna: Leo's got the right idea. I like him, he's honest and he's got a heart.
Tom Reagan: Then it's true what they say. Opposites attract.
"Bull" McCabe: Outsiders? Are these the same outsiders who took the corn from our mouths when the potatoes went rotten in the ditches?
Casey Jones: This is great. First it was The Farm That Time Forgot and now this. Why don't I ever fall in with people who own condos? Probably hard to get good maid service in a sewer. Maybe you guys should try Roto Rooter, huh?
Sylvia: Edward is a wonderful person, but something keeps me from saying yes.
Vera Bennington: Would that something happen to be a tall architecht?
Officer Allen: We're looking for the man with the hands.
Lt. Elgin: Spivy! You bash that prisoner one more time, I'll put those shackles on you.
Violet Kray: I don't think it's possible to love someone too much but I think you can love them in the wrong way.
Judy: Come on, I wanna know how you two met.
Nora: I picked him up in a bar. How's that?
Max: I was drunk, and she was drunk, and I liked her looks so I convinced her to let me bring her home, and I seduced her on the sofa bed, and it was magic, and I keep coming back for more.
Barbara Sabich: You're still in love with her.
Rusty Sabich: It was never love.
Barbara Sabich: Then what was it?
Rusty Sabich: It was never love.
Jackie Flannery: They don't even want to call it "Hell's Kitchen" no more. Renamed it "Clinton." Sounds like a fucking steamboat.
Screwface: Everybody want go heaven. Nobody want dead. Afraid.