Carl Stark: Help me.
Burt Simpson: You got to be kidding.
Carl: Golf clap?
James: Golf clap.
Benny: Yeah, militant lumberjacks - I see 'em all the time.
Eddie Farrell: As Pericles said to the Athenians, "Where do I drain the lizard?"
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.
Lula: Uh oh. Baby, you'd better get me back to that hotel. You got me hotter than Georgia asphalt.
Dr. Herbert West: He's a wife-beater, Dan! Use the gun.
Napoleon Stone: Racial prejudice I can understand, but ghost prejudice? Now that's a whole different concept.
Elliot Hopper: Cancel the 5.
Carol: Oh, no! You can't cancel the 5.
Elliot Hopper: Then put the 5 at 4, and then cancel at 4.
Kathy: You may think phone service stinks since deregulation, but don't mess with us, because we're all you've got. In fact, if we fold, you'll have no damn phones. AT&T - we're tired of taking your crap.
David Ackerman: You fucking lied to Garcia.
Nick Pulovski: I didn't lie to him. I just didn't tell him the truth.
Melanie O'Conner: I think it's rotten, Mr. Marshall. The only reason you didn't get that job is 'cause they didn't give it to you.
Loomis: You aren't going to hit me again are you?
Grimm: I haven't hit anybody since I was nine.
Loomis: Yeah, but it was me you hit.
Cyrano: I say as death has me in his hooks, Moliere' has genius and Christian had good looks.
Greg Samson: Let me add that if I catch the kidnapper of my poor son, I'll offer him Christian forgiveness. Then I'll skin his honkers and use 'em for shammy cloths.
Man at Bar: The acid test is whether you take any pleasure in responding to the question "What do you do?" I can't bear it.
Kari: I'll bet you my thongs.
Finn: OK, I'll bet you my underwear and raise you a truth or dare.
Kari: What? You can't bet a truth or dare!
Finn: Just because I ran out of clothes doesn't mean I can't still bet.
Joey Boca: When somebody shoot you in the head it make you think.
Dinky Bossetti: Who understands ANYONE these days... who WANTS to?
Gerald Howells: Gosh, I want to kiss you so bad, Dinky.
Dinky Bossetti: It's good to want things.