Carl Stark: Help me.
Burt Simpson: You got to be kidding.
Eddie Farrell: As Pericles said to the Athenians, "Where do I drain the lizard?"
Nora: I say do it. I don't care what, just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me, talk hard.
Ernest P. Worrell: Did you hear the one about the three legged dog that walked into a bar and said, "I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw."
Billy Covington: I don't wanna crash twice in one day.
Gene Ryack: Don't worry, I crash better that anyone I know.
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.
Detective John Kimble: I have a headache.
Lowell: It might be a tumor.
Detective John Kimble: It's not a tumor! It's not a tumor. At all.
Huey Walker: You know, Buckner, if it hadn't've been for you, I'd be in a warm cell right now.
John Buckner: Yeah, being beaten by a nice, warm, rubber hose.
Rachel Flax: Alright, you know what? I'll make you a deal. You stop being a little bitch for, let's say, oh, I don't know, an hour or two, and I won't knock the religion of your choice for a week. Deal?
Charlotte Flax: Deal.
Mollie Ubriacco: See, Mikey, Mommy is a girl so she doesn't have a penis.
James Ubriacco: But she's got some set of balls.
Loomis: Please God! We need a cab! One lousy fuckin' cab.
Napoleon Stone: You are dancing around with a cheeseburger.
Victor Ray: How about I give you a hand with those bags?
Clark Kellogg: Oh, no thanks. I'm fine.
Victor Ray: You're a smart kid. Rule number one: don't let anybody touch your bags, kid.
Kathy: Hold me. Please hold me.
Emory Leeson: I am holding you.
Kathy: I know, but it's a woman thing. I have to say it.
Good Witch: Don't turn away from love, Sailor.
Dinky Bossetti: Who understands ANYONE these days... who WANTS to?
Gerald Howells: Gosh, I want to kiss you so bad, Dinky.
Dinky Bossetti: It's good to want things.
Ambassador: The sight is dismal. And our affairs from England come too late. The ears are senseless that should give us hearing, to tell him his commandment is fulfilled. That Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead.
Father Luke Brophy: She has an unGodly voice, maniacal facial expressions.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: That doesn't prove a thing, she could be related to Joe Cocker.
Father Luke Brophy: No.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Could it be she had PMS?
Doris Mann: Never let 'em see you ache. That's what Mr. Mayer used to say. Or was it "ass"? Never let 'em see your ass.
Spencer Barnes: I've worked hard to work this hard.