Albert: Jackson, why did you have to bring me along in the first place?
Action Jackson: You remind me of a old friend.
Albert: Then why didn't you bring your old friend?
Action Jackson: He's dead.
Albert: Damn, man why did you have to tell me that?
Angela de Marco: God, you people work just like the mob! There's no difference.
Regional Director Franklin: Oh, there's a big difference, Mrs. De Marco. The mob is run by murdering, thieving, lying, cheating psychopaths. We work for the President of the United States of America.
Vermeer: What do you think she meant when she said a huge black monster with giant claws?
Eric Visser: I don't know, but I hope your mother-in-law has an alibi.
Vermeer: UGH.
Thug (unknown): Who the hell do you think you are?
Sgt. Major Ross Maclure: I'm the Infantry, sonny.
Special Agent Neeley FBI: Listen Toscani, I want to congratulate you. You just made number 4 on the most wanted list.
Nico Toscani: Number 4? I wanna be number 1.
Mrs. Emily Boynton: I never forget. Remember that. I never forget anything. Not an action, not a name, not a face.
Lord Mayor Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson: Well, Mr. Holmes. Any theories?
Holmes: Obviously, the victim had been caught in a storm too far from shore to swim for it.
Lord Mayor Gerald Fitzwalter Johnson: Yes, and with that heavy suitcase attached to his wrist, and the lake being so deep.
Holmes: Quite. Pulled the poor wretch to the bottom, struggling futilely, flailing desperately as the cold, black water sealed his fate forever Well, it's certainly been a laugh. Thank you.