Eddie Jillette: I know the secret to Heaven.
Joe Collins: Oh, yeah, what's that?
Eddie Jillette: A girl with freckles on her tits.
Tommy Hook: That wild Indian picture happens to be stylin', you don't know what you're talkin' about.
Bobby Shy: When a man pulls shit on me he is either very brave or very stoned. Which one are you?
Hank Mitchell: Where's our Heart Lady?
Dr. Andrew Ingersoll: Well, she is still with her patient.
Hank Mitchell: What? Three days, man? Doesn't she need sleep?
Dr. Benson Hughes: I believe her words were, You don't need me, you've got Indiana Jones.
Lipton: I've really admired your stuff since 'Vermin From Venus.'.
Rollie Tyler: You saw that?
Lipton: Yeah.
Andy: That's the one that got him deported from Australia.
Ivan: So it is you, son, is it not?
Jason Stillwell: But this time it will be different. Russian.
High Priest: Who gave you the courage to be killed here?
Asian Hawk: I obey my god's every command. He looks after all my needs. I always say yes to him. Never no.
High Priest: Who is your god? What is your religion?
Asian Hawk: I believe in a powerful religion. The name of my god is... money.
High Priest: Prepare to be sacrified to your money god.
Mitch: The park is mine.
Frank Dooley: Ooh, they're going to feel that in the morning.
Martin McNamara: Confucius say: when fighting truckers, nail the suckers.
Jim Halsey: Why are you doing this to me?
John Ryder: You're a smart kid... figure it out.
Arabella McGee: You're welcome, dildo-nose.
Quintesson judge: Before the Imperial Magistrate delivers his verdict, would you like to beg for your lives? It sometimes helps - but not often.