Best comedy movie quotes of 1982

Principal Mcgee: If you play an instrument, remember, it is better to play with a group then with yourself.

Wendy: Has anybody seen Mike Hunt?
Meat: Practically everybody in town from what I hear.

Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Jive Man: Ain't no thing.
Defense Attorney: Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?
Jive Man: Check it, bleed. Bro was on! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bones, Homes. So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runway like a mother. Shit.

U.S. Bates: I only get Eric for a week each year.
Jack Brown: Then you should get better lawyers, you shouldn't have to have him that long.
U.S. Bates: It just so happens I love him.
Jack Brown: Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn.

Ed Earl: Boys, I got myself a pretty good bullshit detector, and I can tell when somebody's peeing on my boots and telling me it's a rainstorm.

Chuck: Bill, let me try to explain this to you. As we sit here and idly chat, there are women, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men and we are making money from that.
Bill: Is this a great country or what?!

'Squash' Bernstein: Apparently the mob doesn't find homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle.
Toddy: Kill him, but mustn't kiss him.

Ron Carlisle: Take, Tootsie.
Dorothy Michaels: Ron? I have a name it's Dorothy. It's not Tootsie or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll.
Ron Carlisle: Oh, Christ.
Dorothy Michaels: No, just Dorothy. Alan's always Alan, Tom's always Tom and John's always John. I have a name too. It's Dorothy, capital D-O-R-O-T-H-Y.

Wilma Northrup: Now get out of my way, Henry, or I swear to God you'll be wearing your balls for earrings.

Walt: Daddy what's gradual school?
T. S. Garp: What?
Walt: Gradual school. Mommy say's she teaches at gradual school.
T. S. Garp: Oh Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.

Mrs. Devereaux: You lock all the doors and windows.
Trish: Mom, I'm eighteen years old, remember?
Mrs. Devereaux: You will always be my baby.

Jeff Spicoli: Those guys are fags.

Deputy Comissioner Lasorde: Read this most carefully and give me your opinion.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I will read my opinion and give you yours most carefully.

Reggie: There's a new sheriff in town. And, his name is Reggie Hammond.

Boogie: You want to bet that she goes for my pecker - first thing?
Fenwick: The only hand on your pecker is going to be your own.
Boogie: You want to bet me? You want to bet me twenty?
Fenwick: Yeah.
Eddie: I'm in.
Modell: Me too.
Shrevie: Yeah, I'm in too. But, we need validation.
Boogie: All right. I'll arrange it.
Shrevie: How? You gonna get - finger prints? I'm tellin' ya, I'm not gonna do the dustin'.

Lina: Jealousy doesn't show how much you love someone, it shows how insecure you are.

Mrs. Talmann: She does not fret father, or if she does you well know the cause is your indifference - a house, a garden, a horse, a wife the preferential order.

Chong: Sometimes it's not even the drugs that'll kill you man. What really kills you is looking for drugs.

Zézette: Eh, Monsieur Pierre! Y'a un monsieur très malpoli qui a téléphoné, il voulait enculer Therèse.
Pierre Mortez: Oui mais c'est un ami.
Zézette: Ah bah ça va alors.

Larry Weisman: Commitment. Discipline. Make it work.