Principal Mcgee: If you play an instrument, remember, it is better to play with a group then with yourself.
Wendy: Has anybody seen Mike Hunt?
Meat: Practically everybody in town from what I hear.
Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Jive Man: Ain't no thing.
Defense Attorney: Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?
Jive Man: Check it, bleed. Bro was on! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bones, Homes. So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runway like a mother. Shit.
U.S. Bates: I only get Eric for a week each year.
Jack Brown: Then you should get better lawyers, you shouldn't have to have him that long.
U.S. Bates: It just so happens I love him.
Jack Brown: Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn.
'Squash' Bernstein: Apparently the mob doesn't find homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle.
Toddy: Kill him, but mustn't kiss him.
Ed Earl: Boys, I got myself a pretty good bullshit detector, and I can tell when somebody's peeing on my boots and telling me it's a rainstorm.
Chuck: Bill, let me try to explain this to you. As we sit here and idly chat, there are women, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men and we are making money from that.
Bill: Is this a great country or what?!
Ron Carlisle: Take, Tootsie.
Dorothy Michaels: Ron? I have a name it's Dorothy. It's not Tootsie or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll.
Ron Carlisle: Oh, Christ.
Dorothy Michaels: No, just Dorothy. Alan's always Alan, Tom's always Tom and John's always John. I have a name too. It's Dorothy, capital D-O-R-O-T-H-Y.
Jeff Spicoli: Those guys are fags.
Deputy Comissioner Lasorde: Read this most carefully and give me your opinion.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I will read my opinion and give you yours most carefully.
Jenny Fields: You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I'm going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life.
Wilma Northrup: Now get out of my way, Henry, or I swear to God you'll be wearing your balls for earrings.
Mrs. Devereaux: You lock all the doors and windows.
Trish: Mom, I'm eighteen years old, remember?
Mrs. Devereaux: You will always be my baby.
Rupert Pupkin: I know, Jerry, that you are as human as the rest of us, if not more so.
Edward Eddie Simmons: If you want to talk, you always have the guys at the diner. You don't need a girl if you wanna talk.
Opening Narration: Hollywood, California. Home to the rich and powerful. Yet so popular with the broken and destitute. Here sex - hunger is reflected in every aspect of daily life, and instant gratification is tirelessly pursued. A center of casual violence and capricious harassment. Where rampant vice and amorality permeate every strata of society... It is a known fact that prolonged exposure to just such a psychopathic environment will eventually warp even the most normal and decent among us.
Larry Weisman: Commitment. Discipline. Make it work.
Andrew: Sex alleviates tension and love causes it.
Dr. Oliver Ludwig: There are over twenty bodily fluids present in the human body and I am proud to say I have tasted all of them.