Best comedy movie quotes of 1982

Principal Mcgee: If you play an instrument, remember, it is better to play with a group then with yourself.

Wendy: Has anybody seen Mike Hunt?
Meat: Practically everybody in town from what I hear.

Clerk: Do you swear on the Constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Jive Man: Ain't no thing.
Defense Attorney: Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?
Jive Man: Check it, bleed. Bro was on! Didn't trip. But the folks was freakin', man. Hey, and the pilots were laid to the bones, Homes. So Blood hammered out and jammed jet ship. Tightened that bad sucker inside the runway like a mother. Shit.

U.S. Bates: I only get Eric for a week each year.
Jack Brown: Then you should get better lawyers, you shouldn't have to have him that long.
U.S. Bates: It just so happens I love him.
Jack Brown: Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn.

'Squash' Bernstein: Apparently the mob doesn't find homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle.
Toddy: Kill him, but mustn't kiss him.

Ed Earl: Boys, I got myself a pretty good bullshit detector, and I can tell when somebody's peeing on my boots and telling me it's a rainstorm.

Chuck: Bill, let me try to explain this to you. As we sit here and idly chat, there are women, female human beings, rolling around in strange beds with strange men and we are making money from that.
Bill: Is this a great country or what?!

Ron Carlisle: Take, Tootsie.
Dorothy Michaels: Ron? I have a name it's Dorothy. It's not Tootsie or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll.
Ron Carlisle: Oh, Christ.
Dorothy Michaels: No, just Dorothy. Alan's always Alan, Tom's always Tom and John's always John. I have a name too. It's Dorothy, capital D-O-R-O-T-H-Y.

Deputy Comissioner Lasorde: Read this most carefully and give me your opinion.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I will read my opinion and give you yours most carefully.

Reggie: There's a new sheriff in town. And, his name is Reggie Hammond.

Jenny Fields: You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I'm going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life.

Wilma Northrup: Now get out of my way, Henry, or I swear to God you'll be wearing your balls for earrings.

Mrs. Devereaux: You lock all the doors and windows.
Trish: Mom, I'm eighteen years old, remember?
Mrs. Devereaux: You will always be my baby.

Jeff Spicoli: Those guys are fags.

Paula McCullen: Breasts too large, Richard? Every female character you create has breasts too large.
Richard Babson: Mmm... but I make them suffer for it.

Paul: Why don't you go to bed, honey? I'll bag the Nazi and straighten up.

David: What are you doing there, Victor?
Victor: Buzz off blimp.
Gary: Come on guys. There's probably nothing there to see anyway.
Victor: Oh yeah? I bet you guys wish you had what I have.

Andrew: Sex alleviates tension and love causes it.

Sidney Bruhl: Every time I come in this bloody house, you scream.

Boogie: You want to bet that she goes for my pecker - first thing?
Fenwick: The only hand on your pecker is going to be your own.
Boogie: You want to bet me? You want to bet me twenty?
Fenwick: Yeah.
Eddie: I'm in.
Modell: Me too.
Shrevie: Yeah, I'm in too. But, we need validation.
Boogie: All right. I'll arrange it.
Shrevie: How? You gonna get - finger prints? I'm tellin' ya, I'm not gonna do the dustin'.