Alex: David, please be rational. Let's go and see Dr. Hirsch.
David: Yeah, be rational. Sure. I'm a fucking werewolf, for Christ's sake.
The Breather: [On the phone.] I'm gonna kill next at the football game. Click.
Ms. Van Dyke: Did you hang up?
The Breather: No, I just said "click."
Bud: Amazing Grace, come sit on my face. Don't make me cry, I need your pie.
Donna: Haven't you ever done Assertiveness Training? Before I looked into the Doc, I did it all - EST, T.M., Scientology, iridology, Primal Scream... I don't know, I figure another five years of real hard work, and maybe I'll be a real human being.
Linda: We're gonna get you. We're gonna get you. Not another peep. Time to go to sleep.
Joan Crawford: Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to? Why can't you treat me like I would be treated by any stranger on the street?
Christina Crawford: Because I am not one of your fans!
Vicky: What does the winner get?
Mark: What does the winner want?
Vicky: Guess.
Dr. John McCabe: So, what did you do in the Big Apple?
Liza Merrill: Just about everything a girl could do without losing her good English breeding and reputation. Modeling, dancing, secretary... I almost became an unsuccessful fashion designer.
Dewey Wilson: They kill to protect family?
Old Indian: In the end, it's all for the hunting ground.
Warren: There's nothing out there but God's little creatures, more scared of you than you are of them.
Marti: But Seth is bringing back help.
Jeff Reed: Seth isn't coming back.
Carl: Hey, who turned off the band?
Mark: You're getting a raise out of me all right, but it has nothing to do with money.
Damien Thorn: Nazarene, you have won... nothing.
Don: You're dead.
Eva: And you will be, too. Dead and wet and cold.
Bob Boyle: Ann? Mommy says you're not dead. Is that true?
Axel Palmer: You seen Sarah?
Jessie 'T.J.' Hanniger: Ain't my turn to watch after her.
Gloria Davis: Oh my god. Did you have to torture it that way?
Mike Logan: What? Do you get off on ecology? Huh, twat?
Karen: You're crazy.
Eddy: Yeah, I know. Crazy for you.
Funhouse: ...Who will dare to face the challenge of the Funhouse? Who is mad enough to enter that world of darkness? How about you, sir...?