Alex: David, please be rational. Let's go and see Dr. Hirsch.
David: Yeah, be rational. Sure. I'm a fucking werewolf, for Christ's sake.
John Winger: C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like going into Wisconsin.
Russell Ziskey: Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it!
Randall: People who are always right make me sick.
Fidgit: That's why you get along with yourself so well.
Bunny Wigglesworth: There is no shame in being poor! Only in dressing poorly.
The Breather: [On the phone.] I'm gonna kill next at the football game. Click.
Ms. Van Dyke: Did you hang up?
The Breather: No, I just said "click."
Ramona: He tried to pork me.
Earl Keese: Pork you? What?
Ramona: You know you did.
Earl Keese: I swear, I never touched her.
Ramona: Well, I wasn't born with your hand in my bush.
Earl Keese: Enid... help me.
Susan: Arthur, a real woman could stop you outside from drinking...
Arthur: Yeah, but she'd have to be a real BIG woman!
Batman: Mad Dog, you are going to take the shortcut to the interstate, right?
Mad Dog: We're in this to win, ain't we? If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly!
Dorcas: What would you buy if you were bored?
Neville: Uh... a jar of calf's foot jelly.
Betty Hapschatt: Look at that, Bert Schnik's dancing! Bert can see.
Judge Oliver Wright: Macabre, isn't it? The blind leading the blind.
Lucy van Pelt: Linus, have you seen Charlie Brown?
Linus van Pelt: Nobody has seen him since Snoopy's magic show. I just talked to Sally, and she said even when you look at him, you don't see him.
Lucy van Pelt: What's that supposed to mean? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Darcy: Max, please, what is the matter with you lately? I was kidding.
Max Fielder: Look at my face. I can't go to dinner like this. Look.
Darcy: Your face looks fine.
Max Fielder: I'm not going. I'm staying up here.
Darcy: Max. Max, you promised me that you would try to relax and be close to me this weekend.
Max Fielder: You were only kidding?
Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Gladiator.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Yeah.
Dole Office Clerk: Now, listen, this is your last week of unemployment insurance. Either you kill somebody next week or we're going to have to change your status, got it?
Gregory: Go do something your own age, like demolish a phonebox!
Dr. Irving Finegarten: He bought her this boat on their 14th wedding anniversary. They sailed her to Catalina. Sally flew home. I don't think Felix has been on her more than once or twice since then.
Ben Coogan: No wonder Sally wants a divorce.
Dr. Irving Finegarten: Because he bought her a boat?
Ben Coogan: Well, he's only been on her once or twice since.
Dr. Irving Finegarten: On the boat.
Waldemar: If you weren't immortal, you'd kill yourself.
Yosemite Sam: Where am I? It sure is powerful warm in here. Is this Dallas?
Satan: No, but you're close.
Morane: Let's get away from this heap of hicks.
Francine Fishpaw: Oh Elmer, that dog stinks to high heaven. You'll be permeated by his odor.
Elmer Fishpaw: Yeah? Well, this whole world stinks, Francine, so get used to it! You and that big nose of yours are startin' to get on my nerves. Snortin' around the place like a goddamned anteater. I've about had it with you. Gimme that drink! Hurry up.