Terry 'The Toad' Fields: Oh, come on, look at me, I'm a free man! The war is over, and I win.
H.G. Wells: This is delicious, far superior to that Scottish place I breakfasted.
Amy Robbins: Scottish?
H.G. Wells: McDougall's.
Wally Stanton: I see that you're keeping up with the Agatha Christie affair. Tell me, do you think that she is dead? Everyone seems to.
Agatha Christie: They do, don't they?
Wally Stanton: That is all except her husband. I read this morning that he offered five hundred pounds for information. What do you think?
Agatha Christie: Perhaps that is all she is worth.
LAPD Captain: Any man who gives up his gun to some punk is a coward. Any man who does can kiss his badge goodbye, if I can help it. You're policemen. Put your trust in God.
Churchill, Mac: Richard, I want that goddamn film.
Richard Adams: You can kiss my ass.
General Lord Chelmsford: For a savage, as for a child, chastisement is sometimes a kindness.
Sir Henry Bartle Frere: Let us hope, General, that this will be the final solution to the Zulu problem.
Maxwell: Ladies, ever had a quarterback sandwich?
Jack Flowers: Are you that interested?
William Leigh: Oh, no, no, no. But, in point of actual face, I was wondering if.
Jack Flowers: Now, don't be shy.
William Leigh: Yeah, well, I wouldn't want to.
Jack Flowers: Come on, shoot. I mean, the choice isn't very big. Most people don't realise that. It boils down to five. There's boys, girls, dirty pictures, exhibition, massage, a combination there of. Now, what did you have in mind?
William Leigh: What I - I'd like to get a - game of squash.
David Halloran: You've got to go to him, and I've got to turn and walk away.
Ben Mears: You'll have to get some hawthorn.
Susan Norton: Okay.
Ben Mears: And put it all over the house.
Rose: What are we ladies? What are we? We are waitresses at the banquet of life! Get into that kitchen and rattle them pots and pans - and you better look pretty good doin' it too, 'else you gonna lose you good thing. And why do we do that, I'll tell you why we do that? We do that to find love - Oh I love to be in love - don't you love to be in love?
Capt. Joe Patroni: Gee, I remember this Eurasian gal. She had these great big blue eyes. They called her the tarantula. You ever run into her?
Capt. Paul Metrand: No, I don't think so.
Capt. Joe Patroni: You'd remember if you did. She was a real ball breaker.
Captain Mike Turner: In times of real trouble, the one thing man can depend on is the sympathy of the bank.