The Farmer: I always thought that being alone was just something that a man had to put up with. It was like I just got used to it.
Mary Ann: He didn't mean any harm, Skipper.
Skipper: Neither did the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.
Johnny: That's so sweet, it's painful.
Billy Hayes: It looks like a cheap hotel.
Jimmy: Only the room service is lousy. I'm Jimmy Booth. This is Erich - something Swedish, I don't know.
Erich: Just Erich.
Jimmy: He cleaned you up.
Billy Hayes: Thanks. I'm Billy Hayes. At least, I used to be.
Philip Marlowe: Such a lot of guns around town and so few brains.
Grandmaster Pai Cheng-Cheh: What a bitch. I hope she drops dead.
Joe Pendleton: We don't care how much it costs, just how much it makes. If it costs too much, we charge a penny more. Would you pay a penny to save a fish who thinks?
Billy Lo: You lose Carl Miller.
Emile Prevert: Why me? You could have Tom, Dick or Harry.
Emmannuelle Prevert: I don't want Tom or Harry.
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: 'Scuse me, uh, seventeen miles an hour?
Tico: Fifteen.
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: On the in'erstate. What are ya doin', lookin' for a contact lens?
Tico: You patties crack me up. Still doin' your speed number, huh?
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: Well what are you into, miles per gallon?
Tico: Class...we're into class.
Clouseau: But these aren't normal times. Cato. Someone just tried to kill me.
Cato: That's normal.
Clouseau: Ah, but this time, he thinks he had succeed.
Archie Macaw, Record Producer: Well, one day this rather odd chap hopped into the office. He'd been to see virtually everyone in the business and been shown the door. He asked to see MY door, but I wouldn't show it to him. Instead, he showed me the photographs and tapes of the Rutles. They were pretty rough, but they had something.
Narrator: What was it?
Archie Macaw, Record Producer: I think it was the trousers.
Barry Kohler: Okay, I'm running it down now. It will only take a second.
Ezra Lieberman: Take your time, old men don't go back to sleep once they've been awakened.
Jake - voice: My name is Zunar J 5 Slash 9 Doric 4 7.
Frank: Uh, Z-Zunar.
Jake - voice: ...Let's just stick with 'Jake', okay?
Bess: You have a visitor in there, a Miss Sophie De Vega.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Pretty?
Bess: Prettier than me, but I'm easier.
Lou Peckinpaugh: I'm saving you for the rainy season.
Millie Michaels: How much would you say she is, Marvin? Does she look like a fifty dollar hooker to you?
Marvin Michaels: I don't know... I guess so.
Millie Michaels: What a cheap brother you've got. We spend a hundred and SEVENTY-FIVE on his lousy kid.
Henry Moon: We was just sayin' how much we needed a figurine.
Capt. Rafer Janders: Father Geoghagen... my God... I thought you were dead... long ago.
Fr. Geoghagen, the Priest: Looking at you and your guns... I am.
Tony Carlson: I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Gloria Mundy: Yes, and it seems to be in your mouth.
Tony Carlson: OK, I deserve that. Listen, it's Gloria, right? You're a really nice girl and I'm a nice guy, and you're very pretty with or without cleavage, and what do you say... would you like to take a shower?
Gloria Mundy: I don't pick up strange men.
Tony Carlson: Well, that's your problem.
Gloria Mundy: So why don't you try it?