Dr. Jim McKeever: ...and what a culture can't assimilate, it destroys.
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: 'Scuse me, uh, seventeen miles an hour?
Tico: Fifteen.
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: On the in'erstate. What are ya doin', lookin' for a contact lens?
Tico: You patties crack me up. Still doin' your speed number, huh?
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: Well what are you into, miles per gallon?
Tico: Class...we're into class.
Ezra Lieberman: You're not a guard now, madame! You are a prisoner! I may leave here today empty handed. But you... are not going anywhere.
Archie Macaw, Record Producer: Well, one day this rather odd chap hopped into the office. He'd been to see virtually everyone in the business and been shown the door. He asked to see MY door, but I wouldn't show it to him. Instead, he showed me the photographs and tapes of the Rutles. They were pretty rough, but they had something.
Narrator: What was it?
Archie Macaw, Record Producer: I think it was the trousers.
Lou Peckinpaugh: You mean you married your own father?
Mrs. Montenegro: It's not like you think. It was a simple wedding, done very tastefully.
Lou Peckinpaugh: I'm sure it was. If you could just give me his name.
Mrs. Montenegro: Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.
Lou Peckinpaugh: Vladimir Tserijemiwtz. How do you spell that?
Mrs. Montenegro: I'm not sure. Well, we were never that close.
Diana Barrie: We should never have come. I never know how to dress in this bloody country. It is so easy to dress in England. You just put on warm clothing.
Jake - voice: My name is Zunar J 5 Slash 9 Doric 4 7.
Frank: Uh, Z-Zunar.
Jake - voice: ...Let's just stick with 'Jake', okay?
Lt. Shawn Fynn: That's the best news I've had since I threw up my breakfast.
Henry Moon: We was just sayin' how much we needed a figurine.
The Emperor: For the space of three minutes, every molecule on this planet will be immobilized. But after the third minute, the green ray loses it's power. Time will flow once more and everything will explode.
Simon: Three minutes are enough, father.
Cholla: You Philo Beddoe?
Philo Beddoe: Do I know you?
Cholla: You're gonna.