Dean Wormer: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.
Perry White: I want the name of this flying whatchamacallit to go with the Daily Planet like bacon and eggs, franks and beans, death and taxes, politics and corruption.
Melissa: Well I think I've had just about enough of this, thank you very much. I'll think I'll take my things and GET OUT. If you'll pull over to the side, I'm sure I can hitch a ride very easily... Weren't you listening to me? I said I'm ready to get out.
Rubber Duck: You want out? We're being chased. You want out? Jump.
Melissa: You want to add the Mann Act to your collection?
Rubber Duck: Mann Act's for 18 year olds, not someone who's seen the better side of thirty.
Marv Gomez: Dancing. Everything else is bullshit.
Mary Ann: He didn't mean any harm, Skipper.
Skipper: Neither did the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.
Sgt. Stedenko: The only kind of meat a priest could eat on Friday was nun.
General: You'd better bring a coat Mr. Richardson, there's a little Jap in the air.
Dr. Morrison: He means nip.
Emile Prevert: Why me? You could have Tom, Dick or Harry.
Emmannuelle Prevert: I don't want Tom or Harry.
Henry Moon: We was just sayin' how much we needed a figurine.
Grandmaster Pai Cheng-Cheh: What a bitch. I hope she drops dead.
Gloria Mundy: Take me home.
Stanley Tibbits: What?
Gloria Mundy: Take me home, please.
Stanley Tibbits: Uh, sure. Um... my place or-or, yours?
Gloria Mundy: Which is closer?
Clouseau: Now, this time I'm going to stand on your shoulders.
Cato: What good will that do?
Clouseau: Because I'm taller than you are, you fool.
Betty DeBoop: You'll be back.
Lou Peckinpaugh: What makes you think so?
Betty DeBoop: You forgot the glasses.
Sidney Cochran: You drank everything in this state. Try Nevada.
Cholla: The very first thing we do is find out who we're talking about. I mean, we don't even know where to find him.
Elmo: How are we gonna find him?
Cholla: Well it appears to me that there can't be too many guys driving around this valley with an ape.
Doctor Watson: Where and at what time does the train leave for Baskerville?
Dr. Mortimer: Tomorrow, 12 o'clock, Victoria.
Doctor Watson: Oh no, you can call me John.
Joe Pendleton: We don't care how much it costs, just how much it makes. If it costs too much, we charge a penny more. Would you pay a penny to save a fish who thinks?
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: 'Scuse me, uh, seventeen miles an hour?
Tico: Fifteen.
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: On the in'erstate. What are ya doin', lookin' for a contact lens?
Tico: You patties crack me up. Still doin' your speed number, huh?
Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: Well what are you into, miles per gallon?
Tico: Class...we're into class.
Archie Macaw, Record Producer: Well, one day this rather odd chap hopped into the office. He'd been to see virtually everyone in the business and been shown the door. He asked to see MY door, but I wouldn't show it to him. Instead, he showed me the photographs and tapes of the Rutles. They were pretty rough, but they had something.
Narrator: What was it?
Archie Macaw, Record Producer: I think it was the trousers.