Old Gregg: Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.
The Spirit of Jazz: Ow! My hat's on fire! What's wrong with you? You blind? Why didn't ya tell me?
Howard Moon: Sorry, I thought that was your look.
Howard Moon: I'm an explorer.
Vince Noir: I thought you were a writer?
Howard Moon: I do many things. I span the genres - they call me the genre spanner.
Vince Noir: Yeah, they call you the spanner.
Tony Harrison: I come fully equipped with a papoose! I slip into it like a peanut. If you don't like the papoose system I have a wheel that clicks into place under my chin.
Saboo: Must I assemble this Kinder Egg?
Johnny Two Hats: I'm Johnny Two Hats, why do you think they call me that?
Vince Noir: Is it because you've got two hats on?
Johnny Two Hats: Bingo.
Vince Noir: Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
Tony Harrison: It's an outrage! An outrage.
Vince Noir: Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard... Howard?
Howard Moon: This better be good.
Vince Noir: You know the black bits in bananas, are they tarantulas' eggs?
Howard Moon: Please don't speak to me ever again in your life.
Vince Noir: The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
Old Gregg: What do you think of me?
Howard Moon: I don't rightly know, Sir.
Old Gregg: Make an assessment.
The Hitcher: Aagh! It hurts! It burns! You've liquified me, you slags.
Vince Noir: I hate jazz.
Howard Moon: You hate jazz? You fear jazz! You fear the lack of rules. Skiddly biddly dee wop ba-wow.
Vince Noir: Stop it.
Howard Moon: Bop. Dah wop, skiddly doo wah.
Vince Noir: Stop THE evil.
The Spirit of Jazz: I'm gonna creep inside you like a warm kitten.
Howard Moon: I want to be the greatest Jazz player in Yorkshire.
The Spirit of Jazz: Yorkshire? What is Yorkshire?
Howard Moon: Yorkshire is a place. Yorkshire is a state of mind.
Howard Moon: I don't accessorize. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me.
Howard Moon: Just imagine the headlines 'Howard Moon, Colon, Explorer'. Got a ring to that don't it?
Vince Noir: Colon Explorer?
Howard Moon: You know what I saying.
Vince Noir: I think that's got the wrong ring to it.
