How I Met Your Mother (2005)

Barney: Suit up!

Barney: It's gonna be legen...wait for it...dary!

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Marshall: You should definitely go. Look, it's a chance to show her you are still friends and that you support her.
Barney: Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter, or even better, triple threat, hotter and bigger boobs!
Ted: That's only two.
Barney: Count again.

Barney: Haaaaave you met Ted?

Barney: It's going to be legendary!
Ted: Don't say that! You're too liberal with the word "legendary."

Marshall: I'm not a gay pirate, I have sex with my parrot all the time! OK, that came out wrong.

Barney: Challenge accepted!

The Pineapple Incident - S1-E10

Barney: Your problem Ted is, you think, think, think. I'm teach you to Do, Do, Do.
Marshall: Ha! Do-Do.
Barney: Totally.

Ssiscool ★

Barney: What's that? Self five? Nice! We out!

Ted: So, who are we picking up?
Barney: I dunno... Her? Or maybe her...
Ted: Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport, you meant we were going to *pick someone up* at the airport?
Barney: Yeah...
Ted: You're kidding!
Barney: False!

Barney: Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro-I'm Broda!

Barney: Moist.

Lily: You son of a bitch!

Ted: You're not... Moby, are you?
Not Moby: Who?
Ted: The recording artist, Moby.
Not Moby: Oh, no.
Ted: Then why, when we said "Hey, Moby" did you come over here?
Not Moby: Oh, I thought you said Tony.
Ted: So your name's Tony?
Not Moby: No.

Barney: Ted, tonight we're gonna go out. We're gonna meet some ladies, it's gonna be legendary. Phone-five! [Slaps cell-phone.] You didn't phone-five, did you? I know when you don't phone-five, Ted.

Ted: I'm gonna do what that guy couldn't, I'm gonna take the leap... Well, I guess that's not a perfect metaphor since... For me it's falling in love and for him it's... Death.
Barney: Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.

Marshall: I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... Forever.
Claire: I'm three months pregnant.
Marshall: Not awkward, guys. Not awkward if we don't let it be awkward.

The Bracket - S3-E14

Barney: She said I hooked up with her? What was her name, what did she look like?
Lily: She didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs...kinda trashy.
Barney: Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?
Lily: Yes!
Barney: That's all of them!

The Platinum Rule - S3-E11

Barney: Come on guys! She's gullible, I'm bored. We're perfect for each other.

Best Prom Ever - S1-E20

Lily: Do you think we look young enough to blend in at a high school?
Barney: Please, I'm ageless. Scherbatsky just needs a good night's sleep and you've got "statutory" written all over your body.