Frank Burns: You disgust me!
Hawkeye: You're right, Frank... I discussed you with everyone I know and we all find you disgusting.
Frank Burns: I know I'm a real asset.
Hawkeye: You're only off by two letters.
Radar: Sir, I was just crossing the compound when...
Frank Burns: I have no interest in the compound.
Klinger: He has no compound-interest.
Frank Burns: The men hate me, don't they?
Radar: Just your guts, sir.
Frank Burns: Courage is something you shouldn't be afraid to have.
Frank Burns: I wonder if I can say something useful?
Trapper: I often wonder that too, Frank.
Frank Burns: I'm taking this to a higher authority.
Trapper: Aw, Frank... You're not going to write your mother again.
PA System: Attention all personnel. Due to the shortage of oil and wood, tonight's movie will be burned at 1800.
Radar: Sir, there's someone waiting to see you.
Henry Blake: I was born with someone waiting to see me.
Henry Blake: Will you stop saying what I'm thinking?
Radar: One of us has to.
Frank Burns: I love it here.
Col. Potter: Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to figure out which one.
Frank Burns: Funny thing, war: never have so many suffered so much so so few could be so happy.
Margaret: We're lucky to be two of the few and not the many.
Frank Burns: I know, darling, and I love being both of us.
Maj. Burns: You're losing half your apple sauce. Apples don't grow on trees, you know.
PA System: Due to circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today.
Margaret: Act like a man, you sniveling twerp!
Colonel Flagg: I could kill you with one finger.
Henry Blake: You're always wrong, Frank. That's what's so right about you.
Dr. Sidney Freedman: I haven't washed my hands since I became a psychiatrist.
Col. Potter: Please excuse these two, they're themselves today.
Henry Blake: Do we have enough sherry and ginger-ale for the General?
Radar: Oh, nobody does, sir.
Henry Blake: Oh, fine then, if nobody does we don't have to, but make sure we do, just in case we don't.
Answer: Even an Army field hospital would have SOME weapons for self-defense if the enemy attacked. What's meant is that it's not a combat outfit, and therefore wouldn't have enough weapons to actually attack anyone. (It's also mentioned a few times that the Officer of the Watch is supposed to carry a pistol at all times, but Hawkeye refuses to do it when he's in charge and Colonels Blake and Potter don't enforce the rule).
Captain Defenestrator