Ted Baxter: It's actually tomorrow in Tokyo. Do you realise that there are people alive here in Minneapolis who are already dead in Tokyo?
Phyllis Lindstrom: I just thought I'd see what you swingin' singles do for fun.
Rhoda Morgenstern: Same as you - sit around and wonder what it would be like to have a happy marriage.
Ted Baxter: Say, Murray, I just read this item I think we should use. It's about a man who went on TV to make a plea to send Turkeys to convicts.
Murray Slaughter: For pets or for dinner?
Ted Baxter: I don't know! I think it was in Ar-Kansas.
Murray Slaughter: Yeah, I think they're doing the same thing in Arkansas too.
Ted Baxter: How do you like that! It's spreading from state to state!
Ted Baxter: I always like to think that our little newsroom was one big happy family. In my innocence, little did I suspect we'd be harboring a backstabber in our very bosom. I'm going to reveal the name of that person. The backstabber is.
Murray Slaughter: Isn't this were the lights go off and Ted is found dead on the floor?
Mary Richards: If it weren't for the rotten things that happen in this world we couldn't put on the news show. We should be grateful to all the people who do those rotten things. We should stop them in the streets and say, Thank you Mr. Mugger, thank you Mr. Thief, thank you Mr. Maniac.
Mary Richards: Well, what's the cut-off point Mr. Grant? I mean, is... is there some number? You know, I'd really like to know. How many men is a woman allowed to have before she becomes that sort of woman?
Lou Grant: Six.
Murray Slaughter: Can you imagine the insurance claim? Cause of death: a busted goober.
Mary Richards: Well it's hard for me to say no.
Ted Baxter: Say, Mary.
Mary Richards: NO!
Sue Ann Nivens: I was lying in bed last night and I couldn't sleep, and I came up with an idea. So I went right home and wrote it down.
Lou Grant: Mary, I don't want you to take this wrong, but you're a jerk.
Mary Richards: How could I possibly take that wrong?
Ted Baxter: Folks, I've just received a special news bulletin: You have something on your front tooth.
Rhoda Morgenstern: It's a magnifying mirror! Mary, why didn't you warn me? I thought it was a relief map of the moon. When they sell those magnifying mirrors they should include a printed suicide note.
Lou Grant: Put it on an idiot card for Ted.
Ted Baxter: Cue cards, Lou. I don't know why everyone insists on calling cue cards idiot cards.
Murray Slaughter: We just have trouble thinking of you as a cue.
Lou Grant: You know, Mary, you've got spunk.
Mary Richards: Why, thank you, Mr. Grant.
Lou Grant: I hate spunk.
