Quotes from Tony Shalhoub movies and TV shows

Sir Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?
Fred Kwan: Sure, they're like three years old.
Sir Alexander Dane: MINERS, not MINORS.
Fred Kwan: You lost me.

[As the others are about to exit the ship onto a random planet.]
Guy Fleegman: Don't open that! Is there AIR?! You don't know!
Fred Kwan: [Sniffs air.] Seems OK.

Fred Kwan: It's the simple things in life you treasure.

Alexander Dane: Dear God... How did I come to this?
Tommy Webber: Not again...
Alexander Dane: I played Richard III...
Fred Kwan: Five curtain calls...
Alexander Dane: There were five curtain calls! I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me ... LOOK AT ME! I cannot go out there, and I won't say that stupid line one more time. I can't ... And I won't.
Gwen DeMarco: Well, Alex, at least you had a part, okay? You had a character people loved! I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my boobs and how they fit into my suit. No one even bothered to ask me what I DO on the show.
Fred Kwan: You had the... Wait, wait, I'll think of it...
Gwen DeMarco: I repeated the computer, Fred.

Adrian Monk: Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not.

Adrian Monk: Here's what happened.

Adrian Monk: I don't know how he did it. But he did it.

Dr. Shuler: You’re gonna feel normal for a while. And then there’s gonna be some vomiting, followed by death.
Monk: Vomiting?
Dr. Shuler: That’s right. Followed by death.
Monk: Vomiting.
Dr. Shuler: Yes. Followed by death.
Monk: Vomiting!
Dr. Shuler: Adrian, I really need you to focus on the last part of that sentence. There’s gonna be some vomiting... and then death.
Monk: Is there any chance death could come before the vomiting?

Monk: It's a gift...and a curse.

Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1

Sharona: You're going straight to hell.
Adrian Monk: I am in hell.

Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy - S2-E8

Noelle Winters: Is your wife here?
Adrian Monk: I'm not married.
Noelle Winters: You're wearing a ring.
Adrian Monk: She passed away. I can't bring myself to take it off yet.
Noelle Winters: Oh, I'm sorry. When did she die?
Adrian Monk: Six years ago.

Mr. Monk and the Red Herring - S3-E10

Nurse: You're looking for someone to start right away?
Monk: That's right.
Nurse: What would my hours be?
Monk: 9 a.m...
Nurse: Until?
Monk: Until one.
Nurse: 1 p.m.?
Monk: Until one of us dies.

Bishop73

Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1

Adrian Monk: Are you registered to vote?
Sharona Fleming: I never vote. It only encourages them.

Mr. Monk Makes A Friend - S5-E11

Monk: [On the phone with Hal] Oh that, that, that was just my assistant, Natalie. Uh? Ah, hold on, I'll see. [Speaking to Natalie] Are you hot?

Bishop73

Adrian Monk: Here's what happened.

Mr. Monk and the Dog - S8-E11

Monk: Your aunt Natalie's out front, so she'll probably give you a ride home.
Anne Marie: You said $5.
Monk: Right. Oh, do you have change for a $100?
Anne Marie: Yes.
Monk: Really? Then you won't need my five.

Bishop73

Mr. Monk Goes Back to School - S2-E1

Monk: Hold on. You'll thank me later.
Sharona: You always say that. Have I ever once thanked you later?
Monk: No.

Bishop73

Mr. Monk Gets Married - S2-E15

Sharona: What are you doing?
Monk: This shelf. I can't sleep with a crooked shelf in the room
Sharona: Well, when you turn off the light, you won't see it.
Monk: I wish you could hear yourself sometimes. You live in a dream world.

Bishop73

Mr. Monk Takes Manhattan - S3-E1

Sharona: See? You did it. You rode the subway. I'm proud of you, you're becoming a real New Yorker.
Monk: I rode on the subway.
Homeless Man: Change?
Monk: Yes, I think I did.

Bishop73

Mr. Monk Takes Manhattan - S3-E1

Warrick Tennyson: You were the husband?
Adrian Monk: I am the husband.
Warrick Tennyson: Forgive me.
Adrian Monk: Forgive you? This is me...turning off your morphine. [Turns off morphine. Long pause. Monk covers his eyes and begins to cry.] And this is Trudy, the woman you killed...turning it back on. [Turns on morphine].

Bishop73