Fred: If I could have any superpower right now, it would be to be able to go through that phone and give you a big hug.
Quotes from T.J. Miller movies and TV shows
[Seeing Beth's building badly damaged, leaning against another tower.]
Hud: Please tell me she lives on the ground floor.
Rob Hawkins: 37th.
Hud: Shit.
Beth McIntyre: What the fuck was that?
Hud: I don't know! Something else - also terrible!
Hud: Looks like you should've left town a little bit earlier, huh Rob?
Hud: Look, all I'm saying is that this thing coulda have come from anywhere! It could have come from outer space!
Marlena Diamond: Like Superman?
Hud: Yeah! Wait... You know who Superman is?
Marlena Diamond: [Sarcastic.] Wait, you know Superman? Whoa... I need like, a minute here.
Hud: Okay, I get it...
Marlena Diamond: Are you aware of Garfield?
Hud: Okay, so, just to be clear here: our choices are we die in here, die in the subway, or die on the streets. That right?
Rob Hawkins: Yeah... That's about right.
Hud: Beth lives in Midtown. Midtown is that way. You know what else is that way? Some horrific shit!
Clark: How are you going to survive without Rob? He's like your main dude.
Hud: I don't know. Hey Rob, how am I gonna survive without you?
Rob Hawkins: I don't know. I'm like your main dude.
Hud: Rob, what time do the choppers take off?
Rob Hawkins: 0600.
Hud: What time is that?
Rob Hawkins: 6:00 Hud...
Hud: Oh yeah, I knew that.
Hud: How could they not know anything about it? Unless... Maybe they're like, in on it, you know? Like maybe the government created it or something.
Rob Hawkins: Do we have to talk about this now, Hud?
Hud: Well, I need to talk about something, because if I don't I'm going to actually shit my pants in this stairwell.
Marlena Diamond: Hey, Rob! Marlena. I think we met, probably three times total and every one of those times, I was really drunk. But, you have a cool job! That's something. You're president of something.
Hud: Vice President.
Marlena Diamond: Also really cool! So, good luck with that and we're gonna be here, all chilling and fun for you when you come back.
Hud: That was good. You wanna do another one?
Marlena Diamond: Do you have a card? My agency is leaving on this retreat and they like all this emotional, video-bonding crap.
Hud: I'm not a professional. I'm Hud.
Marlena Diamond: Hug?
Wade Wilson: Here's what I'm actually gonna do? I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis, force him to fix this, and then put a bullet in his skull and fuck the brain hole.
Weasel: I don't want to see that or think of it again. But the douchebag does think you're dead, right?
Wade Wilson: Yeah.
Weasel: That's good. You should keep it that way.
Wade Wilson: What, like, wear a mask?
Weasel: Yes. A very thick mask. All the time. I am sorry... You are haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
Wade Wilson: Like a testicle with teeth.
Weasel: You will die alone. I mean, if you could die. Ideally, for others' sake.
Wade Wilson: Do you like what you see?
Weasel: No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
Wade Wilson: Yeah.
Weasel: Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence.
Wade Wilson: And the only guy the who fix this fugly mug is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory. And he's gone. Poof!
Weasel: Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this because as of now, you only have one course of action.
Wade Wilson: Damn straight. Find Francis.
Weasel: Star in horror films.
Wade Wilson: What?
Weasel: Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
Deadpool: So you're an alien, I guess. How does that help us?
Shatterstar: I'm basically better than you at everything.
Deadpool: Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people that are worse than me at everything. A bunch of functional idiots. I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman.
Weasel: Isn't that Canada?
Deadpool: You shut your goddamn trash mouth.
Weasel: It’s time get back on LinkedIn.
Gene: Throw some sauce on that dance burrito.
Gene: My feelings are huge. Maybe I'm meant to have more than just one emotion! I have so much more.
Gene: My name is Gene. I'm a MEH emoji.
Clay Vanstone: I gotta tell you, I was always like, "Tracey, this doesn't make any sense," and she was like, "Words, words, words and some numbers." But she did it.