Florence Shelby: Aloha!
David Shelby: Mother, this is not Hawaii.
Florence Shelby: It is if I say so.
David Shelby: I'm going to work with the wonders. Do you wanna watch?
Florence Shelby: What are you going to do, freeze the Red Sea?
David Shelby: For you, anything.
Florence Shelby: But not outdoors.
David Shelby: Next year, indoors.
Jerry Webster: Okay, so I've sewn a few wild oats.
Carol Templeton: A few? You could qualify for a farm loan.
Carol Templeton: Yesterday at the beat you kissed me and I was thrilled.
Jerry Webster: A kiss? What does that prove? It's like finding out you can light a stove. It still doesn't make you a cook.
Jerry Webster: You're going up there to have my baby. My son, and I'm.
Carol Templeton: It's my baby and I'll have what I like. And I've decided I'm having a girl.
Jerry Webster: Have whatever you like. I love you both. Now will you marry me?
Jerry Webster: Doc, I don't care how you do it, or what it is. We've got to have VIP tomorrow.
Doctor Linus Tyler: But, what I'm working on is highly volatile.
Jerry Webster: What I'm working on his highly volatile, too.
Doctor Linus Tyler: That only gives me tonight.
Jerry Webster: Believe me, Doc. I'm in the same boat.
Jerry Webster: I've only seen him a dozen or so times.
Carol Templeton: Well, what's your opinion?
Jerry Webster: I prefer to reserve judgment till I see him sober.
Carol Templeton: Oh! Doesn't that tell you what he is?
Jerry Webster: Miss Templeton, as my uncle, the missionary, used to say, "If thou canst not speak well of a man, speak not at all."
Carol Templeton: You make me feel ashamed of myself.
Jerry Webster: Mrs. Jerry Webster.
Carol Templeton: Don't you ever call me a name like that again.
Carol Templeton: Doctor, there's so much I can learn from you.
Jerry Webster: As my father, the philosopher, used to say, "Knock at my door and I shall take you in."
Carol Templeton: Dr. Tyler, I'm knocking.
Jerry Webster: Miss Templeton, I'm taking you in.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: I discussed it with my analyst, Dr. Melnick. He understands it. He says I depress him too.
Jerry Webster: Yeah, well he's only human.
Jerry Webster: Your trouble is that you're still living in the shadow of your father. You're even afraid to get rid of his old car.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: You don't realise how completely he dominated me ever since I was a little boy. Just once I spoke back to him. He cut a switch from a tree and gave me such a whipping, in front of this girl. It was a shattering experience.
Jerry Webster: Pete, all kids get whippings.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: But I was twenty five, the girl was my fiancé.
Jerry Webster: You haven't been in the office for two months. And that's in the best interest of Ramsey and Son.
Peter 'Pete' Ramsey: I have a very good reason for not going into the office. It depresses the employees.
Brad Allen: I've had hangovers before, but this time, even my hair hurts.
Jonathan Forbes: Brad, she is the sweetest, she is the loveliest, she is the most talented woman I have ever met.
Brad Allen: That's what you said when you married that stripper.
Jonathan Forbes: She wasn't a stripper. She was an exotic dancer... with trained doves.
Brad Allen: Did she cry?
Jonathan Forbes: Cry? I never knew a woman that size had that much water in her.
Jan: He was a perfect gentleman.
Brad Allen: That's even worse than I thought.
Jan: What do you mean?
Brad Allen: Well there are some men who... hmmm how shall I put it? Well they're very fond of their mothers... They like to share bits of gossip... collect recipes.
Jan: What a vicious thing to say.
Jonathan Forbes: Owww.
Brad Allen: What?
Jonathan Forbes: That chair. It just bit me.
Brad Allen: Look, I don't know what's bothering you, but don't take your bedroom problems out on me.
Jan: I have no bedroom problems. There's nothing in my bedroom that bothers me.
Brad Allen: Oh-h-h-h. That's too bad.
Taza: It takes an Apache to watch an Apache.
Taza: I will do what must be done.
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