Quotes from Rik Mayall movies and TV shows

Richie: Well Eddie, we learn something new every day. Today I learned that you're a complete bastard!

Elizabeth: Go away!
Drop Dead Fred: Go away? Why do you want me to go away? Fine! Say the magic words and I'll piss off.
Elizabeth: Piss off!
Drop Dead Fred: Ha! Gotcha. Those weren't the magic words.
Polly: What did you say?
Drop Dead Fred: She told you to piss off.

Richard Twat: As we always say at the Guest House Paradiso: Have fun, don't go in the water if you know what's good for you and try not to get shit on the sheets.

Richard Twat: Ah! Good evening, Miss Carbonara.
Gina Carbonara: Good evening, Mr. Twat.
Richard Twat: It's cunt.

Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Chef's hurt himself.
Richard Twat: How badly?
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Indescribably badly. He hit his head on a frying pan seventeen times.

Richard Twat: Pheeb. One boiled egg.

Richard Twat: I trust you've slept well?
Mr Johnson: We had rather a rough night actually.
Richard Twat: Ah well, the perils of adultery.

Alan B'Stard: If your IQ was any lower, you'd need watering.