Quotes from Nick Sutton movies and TV shows

Tummler: Know what I'm doing tomorrow?
Solomon: What?
Tummler: Going to an insane asylum.
Solomon: Insane asylum?
Tummler: Gonna get me a raving beauty.

Solomon: Is she dead?
Tummler: She's alive on that machine.

Tummler: When I sit down to eat, I get sexy! When I go to bed, I get hungry! I saw a man lying in the street, and I said, "Can I help you?" He said, "No. I just found a parking space. Now I'm waiting for my wife to go buy a car!"

Tummler: I'm pretty smart, if I say so myself.
Huntz: Why is that?
Tummler: This afternoon, we walked into a fruit store, and the clerk thinks I'm some out-of-town hick. "Those apples will be two bucks each," he tells me. That's where I outsmarted him. I pass over a five. And as he's about to give me a dollar change, I say, "Keep it, we're even. On the way in, I stepped on a grape."