Quotes from Michael Caine movies and TV shows - page 6 of 8

Victor Melling: In place of friends and relationships, you have sarcasm and a gun.
Gracie Hart: Oh, I have sarcasm? When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain?
Victor Melling: Ah! That is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist - and that works for me.
Gracie Hart: You know what? I don't have relationships because I don't want them, an-an-and I don't have friends because I work 24/7. And you have no idea why I am the way that I am.

Gracie Hart: My teeth - What are you going to do with my teeth?
Victor Melling: Hopefully, remove the beer stains and steak residue.

Ebenezer Scrooge: Spirit, tell me if Tiny Tim will live.
Ghost of Christmas Present: That is the future. My realm is the present. However, I see a vacant seat by the chimney corner and a crutch without an owner. If these shadows remain unaltered, I believe the child will die. But, what then? If he's going to die, he'd better do it and decrease the surplus population.

Thaddeus Bradley: How do you like your Horsemen, fricasseed or fried?
Arthur Tressler: Shredded!
Thaddeus Bradley: I'll tell the chef.

Michael Jennings: Fuck those animals stink.

McGruder: Who the fuck is he?
Michael Jennings: You wanna know who he is? Try this: delve down into the deepest bowels of your soul. Try to imagine the ultimate fucking nightmare. And that won't come close to this son of a bitch when he gets pissed.

Michael Jennings: Look, don't worry about the FBI. We all know they couldn't find a hooker in a whorehouse anyway.

Cutter: Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called "The Pledge." The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course... It probably isn't. The second act is called "The Turn." The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you're looking for the secret... But you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn't clap yet. Because making something disappear isn't enough; you have to bring it back. That's why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call "The Prestige."

Robert Angier: I never thought I'd find an answer at the bottom of a pint glass.
Cutter: Hasn't stopped you looking, has it?

Cutter: You settled on a name yet?
Robert Angier: Yes I have. The Great Danton.
Cutter: Bit old-fashioned isn't it?
Robert Angier: No. It's sophisticated.

Judge: How large do you think this tank was?
Cutter: Eh... 400,500 gallons, maybe.
Judge: And how do you think he was able to move ta tank of this size?
Cutter: He's the magician. Why don't you ask him?

Robert Angier: He's a dreadful magician.
Cutter: No, he's a wonderful magician. He's a dreadful showman.

Thomas Fowler: I have never thought of myself as a correspondent, just a reporter. I offer no point of view, I take no action, I don't get involved. I just report what I see.
Alden Pyle: But you must have an opinion.
Thomas Fowler: Even an opinion is a form of action.

Thomas Fowler: If I lost her, for me, it would be the beginning of death.

Alden Pyle: Have you had a lot of women, Thomas?
Thomas Fowler: You start out by being promiscuous and end up like your grandfather... faithful to one woman.

Thomas Fowler: Pyle est mort. Assassinated.

Phuong: Pyle est mort?
Thomas Fowler: Yes,.
Phuong: Pyle was in love with me.

Alden Pyle: I trusted you. Thomas.
Thomas Fowler: Always a mistake with a woman involved.

Renee Pelagie: Desperation has driven me past etiquette, all the way to frenzy.
Dr. Royer-Collard: My schedule is not subject to the whim of lunatics.
Renee Pelagie: I beg to differ, you work in a madhouse. Your every waking moment is governed by the insane.

Dr. Royer-Collard: I won't sully my hands with him.
Marquis de Sade: Nor should you. That's the first rule of politics, isn't it? The man who orders the execution never drops the blade.