The Guitarist Amplification - S3-E7
Penny: Wow, Sheldon. I had no idea you made a board game.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, Research Lab is more than just a board game. As it says in the box, "the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real."
Leonard Hofstadter: We must not be playing it right.
The Guitarist Amplification - S3-E7
Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago, I told you not to talk to her, and now look, we're going to be late for the movies.
The Zazzy Substitution - S4-E3
Sheldon: May I point out that for eight long months, I suffered in silence as your female companion filled our apartment with her off key country music caterwauling, the unappetizing spectacle of grinding a pommel stone against her calloused feet in our living room, and night after night of uninformative TV documentaries about the Jersey Shore.
Leonard: Suffered in silence?
Sheldon: Yes, and I would expect you to do the same.
Leonard: Really? SILENCE!?
Sheldon: I was analyzing our lie and I believe we're in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse.
Leonard: How?
Sheldon: Simple: If she were to log on to SoCal physics group.org forward slash activities forward slash other, scroll down to seminars, download the PDF schedule, and look for the seminar on molecular positronium, well then, bippity boppity boo, our pants are metaphorically on fire!
The Vegas Renormalization - S2-E21
Sheldon: While my compatriots are in Las Vegas, I will be enjoying a blissful evening in my personal Fortress of Solitude.
Penny: That's Superman's big ice thingy, right?
Sheldon: You know, I'm in such a good mood, I'm actually finding your tenuous grasp of the English language folksy and charming today.
The Communication Deterioration - S8-E21
Penny: You are a wise man.
Sheldon: Well, Penny, who's smarter, the wise man or the person who comes to him for advice?
Penny: Oh, I guess you're right. Maybe it is the person who asks.
Sheldon: No. It's the wise man. That's why he's called the wise man. You know how I know that? I'm the wise man.
The Countdown Reflection - S5-E24
Sheldon: All right, my turn. Howard, Bernadette. DaQH Daj mo...DaQH...
Bernadette: Sheldon! I told you no Klingon.
Penny: Sheldon, have you any idea what time it is?
Sheldon Cooper: Of course I do. My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado. It's accurate to one-tenth of a second. But as I'm saying this, it occurs to me that you may have again been asking a rhetorical question.
Sheldon: Oh, well, this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.
Leonard: I already lied. Why cover it up with another lie?
Sheldon Cooper: Because your lie was painfully transparent, whereas my lie is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping, I was busy weaving an un-unravelable web.
Sheldon: Coffee is out of the question. When I moved to California, I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
The Lizard-Spock Expansion - S2-E8
Wolowitz: I got the Mars rover stuck in a ditch.
Sheldon Cooper: Where?
Wolowitz: On a dusty highway just outside of Bakersfield. Where do you think? On Mars!
The Luminous Fish Effect - S1-E4
Sheldon: Pleased to meet you, Dr. Gablehauser. How fortunate is it that the university has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you've done no original research in 25 years and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concept of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of the average bowel movement. Mahalo.
The Vegas Renormalization - S2-E21
Sheldon: That's preposterous. I do not resemble C-3PO. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered. I just don't see it.
The Lizard-Spock Expansion - S2-E8
Raj: I'll tell you what, how about we go rock-paper-scissors?
Sheldon: Ooh, I don't think so. No, anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of rock-paper-scissors, players familiar with each other will tie 75 to 80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: It's very simple. Look, scissors cuts paper. Paper covers rock. Rock crushes lizard. Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes scissors. Scissors decapitates lizard. Lizard eats paper. Paper disproves Spock. Spock vaporizes rock. And as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
The Intimacy Acceleration - S8-E16
Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, Penny, if this experiment does make us fall in love, would you drive me to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, for Gary-Con? It's the only convention celebrating the life and work of Gary Gygax, the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.
Penny: You know what, I can honestly say if we fall in love, not only will I drive you there, I will buy you all the dragon T-shirts you want.
Sheldon: Okay, babe, let's do this.
The Intimacy Acceleration - S8-E16
Penny: If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
Sheldon: So it would be today? Huh... Well, I suppose there's something satisfying about dying on my birthday.
Penny: Today's your birthday?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Well that's always been a secret. Not even Amy knows.
Sheldon: Well, I don't enjoy presents. And the thought of people jumping out and yelling surprise fills me with more dread than the words "George Lucas Director's Cut."
The Colonization Application - S8-E17
Amy: We could also be the first people to procreate on Mars.
Sheldon: You just can't keep it in your space pants, can you?
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