Kramer: It's a write off for them.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is, do you?
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No, I don't.
Kramer. Well they do, and they're the ones writing it off.
Jerry: I wish I had the last 20 seconds of my life back.
Quotes from Jerry Seinfeld movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3
George: I said "God bless you", is that so wrong?
Jerry: The question is, did you allow a space for the husband to come in with his "God bless you"? Because, as the husband, he has the right of first refusal.
George: Yes, yes, I definitely waited. But let me say this, once he passes on that option, that "God bless you" is up for grabs.
Jerry: No argument, unless she's one of these multiple sneezers and he's holding his "God bless you" in advance until she completes the series.
George: Well I don't think she is a multiple sneezer, because she sneezed again later, and it it was also a single.
Jerry: What if she's having an off night?
George: Well, she apologized, and then she wanted to know if we could get together Wednesday afternoon.
Jerry: Get together?
George: Maybe she just wants to talk to me.
Elaine: Married women don't "get together", they have affairs.
George: Oh my God, an affair. It's so adult. It's like with stockings and martinis and William Holden. On the other hand, it probably wouldn't cost me any money.
Jerry: She had man hands.
Elaine: Man hands?
Jerry: The hands of a man. It's like a creature out of Greek mythology. I mean, she was like part woman, part horrible beast.
Elaine: Well, would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?
Jerry: Would she have hooks?
Elaine: Do uh, do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?
Jerry: Kinda cool looking.
The Gymnast - S6-E6
Jerry: So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an eclair, in the receptacle, and you think to yourself...what the hell? I'll just eat some trash.
George: No, no, no, no, no. It was not trash.
Jerry: Was it in the trash?
George: Yes.
Jerry: Then it was trash.
George: But it wasn't down in, it was sorta...on top.
Jerry: But it was in the cylinder.
George: Above the rim.
Jerry: Adjacent to refuse is refuse.
George: It was on a magazine, and it still had the doily on.
Jerry: Was it eaten?
George: One little bite.
Jerry: Well, that's garbage.
George: But I know who took the bite. It was her aunt.
Jerry: Well, you my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.
Jerry: "The ocean called, they're running out of shrimp"?
George: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, then I said to him, "oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they're running out of you."
Jerry: Really? That's great, you said that to him?
George: Well, actually I, I thought it up on the way over here.
Jerry: Oh, that's not quite the same.
Jerry: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long-distance service?
Jerry: Oh, gee. I...I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later?
Telemarketer: Uh...well, I'm sorry. We're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.
Telemarketer: No.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.
Jerry: Well, it looks like you've adjusted to the boxers.
Kramer: Well, I wouldn't go as far as that.
Jerry: You went back to the Jockeys?
Kramer: Wrong again.
Jerry: Oh no...
Elaine: What? What?
Jerry: Don't you see what's going on here? No boxers, no Jockeys.
Elaine: [move back away from Kramer.] Ohhh.
Jerry: The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine. Kramer, say it isn't so.
Kramer: Oh, it be so. I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it.
Jerry: I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Jerry: You can't keep avoiding her.
George Costanza: Why not? If she can't find me, she can't break up with me.
The Suicide - S3-E15
Jerry: Let me ask you someting. If you named a kid "Rasputin", do you think it would have a negative effect on his life?
[Jerry and Elaine found out that the TV that they gave to Drake and his girlfriend was given to his girlfriend after they broke up.]
Jerry: We're not getting that TV back.
George: What do you mean? I mean you gave it to them, we get it back.
Elaine: The Drakette took it.
George: She can't take it. It's not hers, it's theirs. Once there's no theirs, there's no hers. It should be ours.
George Costanza: Anna told me that Elaine said I was one of the worst seeds she'd ever seen.
Jerry Seinfeld: Interesting. She doesn't care for you. Then a stern warning. Suddenly a phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs the bad boy.
George: I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy.
Jerry: You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend.
George: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Jerry: The bad fiancé, bad dinner guest, bad credit risk.
George: OK, the point is made.
Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen. The bad tipper.
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