Quotes from Groucho Marx movies and TV shows

Hammer: Wages? Do you want to be wage slaves? Answer me that!
Bellhops: No.
Hammer: No, of course not. But what makes wage slaves? Wages!

Hammer: Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket.

Chico: He say six, I say seven. He say seven, I say eight. He say eight, I say nine. I got plenty a numbers left. When I start, I no stoppa for no-tin'. I go higher, higher, higher, all the time I go higher.
Hammer: Eh, you'll go higher when I get ahold of ya. Sold to Hiawatha for eight hundred dollars.

Hammer: What I meant was you're gonna be here all winter and I'm stuck with the hotel anyhow, why don't you grab me until you can make other arrangements?
Mrs. Potter: My dear Mr. Hammer. I shall never get married before my daughter.
Hammer: You did once.

Hammer: All ye suckers... step this way for the big swindle. Ladies and Gentlemen. Before proceeding with the main business of the day, which is the selling of these lots at any price, we are going to have little entertainment. Very little. I want to present to you Miss Polly Potter, the best paying guest in the hotel. In fact, the only paying guest in the hotel. She will sing for you and for me too! Miss Potter.

Bob Adams: Oh Mr. Hammer, there's a man outside wants to see you with a black mustache.
Hammer: Tell him I've got one.

Mrs. Potter: Mr. Hammer, your costume's wonderful.
Hammer: This costume has been condemned by Good Housekeeping.
Mrs. Potter: I love the color scheme.
Hammer: That isn't a scheme, it's a conspiracy!

Hammer: You can have any kind of a home you want. You can even get stucco. Oh, how you can get stuck-oh!

Hammer: All along the river, those are all levees.
Chico: That's the Jewish neighborhood?
Hammer: Well, we'll pass over that.

Yates: I wouldn't dream of taking up any more of your time. I merely wanted to thank you all and, as I said before, I hadn't intended to make a speech at all.
Hammer: Well, you certainly succeeded.

Mrs. Potter: I don't think you'd love me if I were poor.
Hammer: I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut.

Hammer: Come over here, I want to see you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby. If you want to keep him up in the room, you'll have to keep him in a trap.
Chico: You can't catch him.
Hammer: Who is he?
Chico: He's my partner, but he no speak.
Hammer: Oh, that's your silent partner.

Hammer: What I meant was if we had a nice bungalow and I came home from work - and you standing by the gate - no - you'd come home from work - and I was standing by the gate, and we came down the path and we went inside and the shades were drawn and the lights were low, and then - are you sure your husband's dead?
Mrs. Potter: Why, yes.

Hammer: Now here is a little peninsula and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.
Chico: Why a duck?

Hammer: Look, Einstein. Here's Cocoanut Manor. No matter what you say, this is Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Heights. That's a swamp - right over where the - where the road forks, that's Cocoanut Junction.
Chico: Where have you got Cocoanut Custard?
Hammer: Why, that's on one of the forks. You probably eat with your knife, so you wouldn't have to worry about that.

Hammer: What would you like? Would you like a suite on the third floor?
Chico: No. I'll take a Pollack in the basement.

Mrs. Potter: I'll not stand here any longer and be insulted this way.
Hammer: Aw, don't go away and leave me here alone, you stay here and I'll go away.

Mrs. Potter: Mr. Hammer! Mr. Hammer! I've been robbed! My necklace in your hotel.
Polly: Oh, mother!
Mrs. Potter: It's worth a hundred-thousand dollars.
Hammer: Was it valuable?

Hammer: Now, over here on this site, we're gonna build an eye and ear hospital. This is gonna be a sight for sore eyes.

Mrs. Potter: Get out of this room, or I'll scream for the servants.
Hammer: Let the servants know! Let the whole world know! About us!
Mrs. Potter: You must leave my room. We must have regard for certain conventions.
Hammer: One guy isn't enough, she's gotta have a convention.