Quotes from Dave Chappelle movies and TV shows

Disco Cabbie: Everybody's having fun out here. They drinking, they fighting, they pissing on the streets. It's New Year's Eve. They loving the ladies.

Miles Logan: Put your hands on the Oodles of Noodles.
Tulley: Chicken or beef?
Miles Logan: Chicken. Cool. Cool is good.
Tulley: Miles?
Miles Logan: Tulley? What are you doing?
Tulley: I'm freaking working over here.

Tulley: Then he said I was ugly and I couldn't read good.

Tulley: I'll rip your lips off, and kiss my ass with them shits. I'll rip your tongue out, and lick my balls with it.

Tulley: That guy Logan owes me $50,000... If I don't get it soon, I'M talkin'.

Brian: You said you gave Mary Jane a pearl necklace.
Thurgood Jenkins: Obviously you missed the whole point of that story, Brian.

Thurgood Jenkins: This weed was the shiz-nittlebam snip-snap-sack.

Thurgood Jenkins: Guys just shutup about the weed for two seconds, I don't want this girl to know I smoke.
Scarface: Yeah it's bad enough you a janitor yo.
Thurgood Jenkins: Custodian, dick.

Thurgood Jenkins: I got some bootie! I got some bootie! It was good, too.

Thurgood Jenkins: Abba Zaba, you my only friend.

Thurgood Jenkins: I'm sexy! I'm a scholar! People like me.

Thurgood Jenkins: You know I got some weed at work today, if y'all wanna try it out.
Scarface: Nah, we don't feel like smokin right now.
Thurgood Jenkins: Me neither. So y'all wanna smoke?
Scarface: I'll get Billy Bong Thornton.
Brian: No man. No Billy Bong Thornton without Kenny. That wouldn't be right. Get Wesley Pipes. Yeah.

Thurgood Jenkins: I'm sorry, yo. I don't wanna be the first ni**a to die from a crossbow.

Thurgood Jenkins: You have smoked yourself retarded.

Thurgood Jenkins: I be from Jamaica, mon. Lord have mercy.
Samson Simpson: What part of Jamaica?
Thurgood Jenkins: Right near da beach. Boy-eeee.

Thurgood Jenkins: I've heard people say you don't get high the first time you smoke. Not me. No-o, not us. WE were really, really high. We was to' up.

The Guy on the Couch: Hey, is it January?
Thurgood Jenkins: No, it's August.
The Guy on the Couch: Really?

Brian: For 400 dollars I got Jerry Garcia in a pouch, man.
Thurgood Jenkins: Who the fuck told you that?
Brian: The man who sold it to me, Barry Garcia.
Thurgood Jenkins: So who is that, Jerry Garcia's brother?
Brian: No, actually it was Andy Garcia's brother.

Thurgood Jenkins: I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.