Quotes from Danny DeVito movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Charlie Kelly: Hooooly shit! Is that the ocean?
Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, buddy, that's the ocean.
Charlie Kelly: What's on the other side of it there?
Frank Reynolds: Europe.
Charlie Kelly: Now, how long would it take.
Dennis Reynolds: Do not try and swim to Europe.
Charlie Kelly: Don't swim to Europe.
Frank Reynolds: Do not.

Dennis Reynolds: Charlie can't read.
Frank Reynolds: He'll adapt.
Dennis Reynolds: He'll adapt to reading?

Mac: Jesus Christ, Frank. Are you cutting your toenails with a steak knife?
Charlie Kelly: I suppose you have a problem with that, too?
Frank Reynolds: Ah! Oh! Oh! Botched toe! I botched that one. Oh, that's a botch job. That's bleeding. I need some trash to plug up the cut.

Mac: I think you should bang Gail the Snail.
Frank Reynolds: My neice?
Mac: Yeah.
Frank Reynolds: Gail the Snail?
Mac: Dude, what's more depraved than that, huh? She's not blood related so it's not that weird.

Frank Sets Sweet Dee On Fire - S3-E8

Frank Reynolds: I think what we gotta do is find one sick guy and do a story about a new pandemic.
Charlie Kelly: No one cares about those kinda things, Frank.

Bishop73

The Gang Makes Paddy's Great Again - S13-E1

Cindy: Is that a sex doll?
Mac: Yeah.
Dee: Is that Dennis?
Mac: Well, yeah, of course.
Frank: Is that part of the plan?
Cindy: No! Why did you get a sex doll of your old roommate?
Mac: Because you told me to get one.
Cindy: I definitely did not.
Mac: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. I was super sad about my old roommate leaving, and. And you said I needed something Dennis-shaped to fill my hole.
Cindy: No, Mac, I said that you obviously had a Dennis-shaped hole in your life that you needed to fill.
Mac: How is that not the same thing?

Bishop73

Charlie Kelly: So what, you want a maid?
Frank Reynolds: That's right, a maid. A maid I can bang.

Frank Reynolds: I know some of you may have heard about that other guy... I am not gonna diddle your kids. I'm not like that; that's not my thing.

Ralph: You know, I'll bet you can buy a great townhouse down here for around five or six dollars.

Once-ler: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You wouldn't hit a woman.
The Lorax: Hoo! That's a woman?

Kate Sullivan: For someone who doesn't have anything nice to say about lawyers you certainly have plenty of them around.
Lawrence Garfield: They're like nuclear warheads. They have theirs, so I have mine. Once you use them they f - - everything up.

Lawrence Garfield: When capitalism gets f - -ed up, the communists come back. They're waiting in the bushes. First thing they do is shoot the lawyers.

Lawrence Garfield: Would you like a donut?
Kate Sullivan: No thank you. I'm not hungry.
Lawrence Garfield: Gotta be hungry to eat a donut? I never heard of such a thing.

Lawrence Garfield: I love money. I love money more than the things it can buy. There's only one thing I love more than money. You know what that is? other PEOPLE'S money.

Lawrence Garfield: I love money more than the things it can buy... but what I love more than money is other people's money.

Lawrence Garfield: Since when do you have to be nice to be right?

Kate Sullivan: Rumor has it you got balls.
Lawrence Garfield: I've been trying to show you for weeks.

Lawrence Garfield: Make as much as you can. For as long as you can. Whoever has the most when he dies, wins.

Bill Coles: Can I speak frankly?
Lawrence Garfield: No. Lie to me! Tell me how thrilled you are to know me. I always speak frankly. I hate people who say, "Can we speak frankly?" It means they're bullshittin' me the rest of the time.

Ralph: Not only are we kidnappers, but I'm about to have a close encounter with a cattle prod.