Jake Hayes: So you're leaving me and going back to Ken, that's what I asked you.
Julie: The Ken part is just business.
Jake Hayes: Then what's the leaving me part, pleasure?
Julie: Pain.
Jake Hayes: Does it play DVDs?
Seale: No. It's a portable thermonucular (sic) bomb.
Jake Hayes: You guys still there?
Gaylord Oaks: Yes, Mr. Hayes, we're still here.
Jake Hayes: And you've got guns, right?
Gaylord Oaks: Yes, Mr. Hayes, we have guns.
Jake Hayes: Okay. Well, make sure you got bullets in them.
Gaylord Oaks: Mmm-hmm, lots of bullets.
Lenka: Mr. Turner, it's so glad to have you back so soon.
Jake Hayes: Thank you, Lepenka, I hope you haven't given up my room.
Lenka: Certainly not, sir.
Jake Hayes: This is beautiful.
Gaylord Oaks: Her name is Lenka. You just called her Lepenka, which means cardboard.
Jake Hayes: In my foster house, we were so poor, we used to lick stamps for dinner.
Jake Hayes: Is this fish?
Nicole: Yeah, of course. You love fish.
Jake Hayes: That's right. I love fish, but that's before I became a vegetarian. Oh, waiter, waiter! I can't eat this. Can you get me something else? How about a steak, medium well, please.
Jake Hayes: I don't speak terrorist.
Jake Hayes: Is this shit dangerous?
Gaylord Oaks: Yes there's some risk.
Jake Hayes: What kind of risk, you talkin' bank credit risk, or bullet-in-ass risk?
Gaylord Oaks: I'm never going to get married, never again.
Jake Hayes: You never gonna get married again? First thing you gotta learn is, you don't take your girlfriend to a wedding.
Jake Hayes: You didn't know chess was a contact sport, did'ja.
Gaylord Oaks: Welcome to Prague.
Jake Hayes: Looks like Newark.
Aaron: Let me get this straight: our dad was "bromantically" involved with a guy that could fit in his pocket, and you're mad because he's white?
Rufus: White folks only want to hear the good shit: life eternal, a place in God's Heaven. But as soon as they hear they're getting this good shit from a black Jesus, they freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your Savior.
Cardinal Glick: Fill them pews, people, that's the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young.
Rufus: Kind of like the tobacco industry?
Cardinal Glick: Christ, if only we had their numbers.
Rufus: Hey! What I just did gave me a fucking migraine! So if you don't pipe down, I'm going to yank your sack off like a paper towel.
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