Quotes from Brendan Gleeson movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2

Professor McGonagall: We never use Transfiguration on a student as punishment! Didn't Dumbledore tell you?
Professor 'Mad-Eye' Moody: He might've mentioned it.

[Moody writes on blackboard, with his back facing the students.]
Professor 'Mad-Eye' Moody: You should find another place for your gum rather than under your desk, Mr. Finnigan!
Seamus Finnigan: [Whispers at the back of the classroom.] Blimey, the old codger can see out of the back of his head!
[Moody spins around and throws a piece of chalk at Seamus across the classroom.]
Professor 'Mad-Eye' Moody: AND HEAR ACROSS CLASSROOMS!

Ken: You coming up?
Ray: What's up there?
Ken: Well, the view.
Ray: The view of what? The view of down here? I can see that down here.
Ken: Ray, you're about the worst tourist in the whole world!
Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I'd grown up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me. But I didn't, so it doesn't!

Ken: Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
Harry: Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done? You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insult my fucking kids? That's going overboard, mate!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?. Still leaves you a cunt.

Ray: They're filming midgets!
Ken: C'mon, let's go back to the room.
Ray: Fuck off, Ken, they're filming midgets.

Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. But don't hold it against me.
Ken: I won't. Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.

Ken: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun.
Ray: Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite... A dwarf.

Ken: I'm sorry about the message earlier... The man who sent is a bit of a... Well, he's a bit of a...
Marie: Cock?
Ken: Yes... A bit of a cock.

Harry: Not only have you let the kid get away and failed to kill the kid, you have also prevented the kid from killin' himself, which would have solved all my problems, it would have solved all your problems, and it probably would have solved all of his problems!
Ken: It wouldn't have solved his problems, Harry.

Ken: Your girlfriend's very pretty.
Jimmy: She's ain't my girlfriend. She's a prostitute I just picked up.
Ken: I was not aware that there were any prostitutes in Bruges.
Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places... Brothels are good.
Ken: Well, you've picked up a very pretty prostitute.
Jimmy: Thank you.

Hector: [Holding up a severed toe.] Is this the man that was killed?
Sheriff Hank Keough: He seemed... Taller.

Sheriff Hank Keough: I never heard of a crocodile crossing an ocean.
Hector Cyr: Well, they conceal information like that in books.

Sheriff Hank Keough: Crocodiles can't swim in salt water.
Hector Cyr: Yeah, well, that'll be your little secret.

Hector: You got to fire your big gun. Did it meet your expectations?
Sheriff Hank Keough: Overrated.

Thomas Coughlin: People don't fix each other, Joseph. And they never become anything but what they've always been.

Knuckles McGinty: I don't do nothing for no one for nothing.

Menelaus: May the gods keep the wolves in the hills and the women in our beds.

[After Paris is sliced in the leg by Menelaus, during their duel.]
Menelaus: See the crows? They never tasted prince before.